The conversation described involved my mom and our cook. It just seemed to stand out from the rest of the mundane conversations we all have day in and day out.
My mother and her friend of 15 years were over at our house the other day designing a workshop they had to deliver. The friend, lets call her Mau-- is an extremely sweet and rich Guju lady who has been in "transition" since I know her....i.e she is allowed to work, earn money and stay out of the house-- as long as she is back home to serve hot rotis to her husband every evening. She is very traditional will a hint of freedom on the horizon. You get the point. This is how it all went down.
Pushpa Tai (the cook): What do I make for dinner tonight?
Mom: PT, please take a call. Am tired of telling you what to make on a daily basis.
PT: Ok. Will make something special for the kids (my wife and I) tonight. Any suggestions?
Mom: Ok, make Egg Curry for Satyajit and Karela for the Mrs.
The blood drained from Mau's face. She could not believe what she had heard and more importantly who said it. It was a betrayal Mau would not stand. My mom looked up and realised what was happening.
Mom: ha ha. I know how it sounds but the Mrs is allergic to eggs and loves karela. If she had it her way she would have it everyday.
Mau smiled and they went back to being friends again.
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More conversations here
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Friday, July 15, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Ah....
Dusk, my favorite time of day was upon us. The sunlight kissed the horizon ever so lightly. I stood in the balcony eagerly anticipating her arrival. The event was in the making for some time now. We set off as soon as she arrived on a path we had never taken together. Her eagerness, anticipation and excitement made it difficult for me to keep pace. Asking her to slow down would rain hell but I did anyway.
We arrived at our destination after what seemed like a millennium for her. The cool breeze kissed my face, the chatter reminded me that this was a happy place and the love all around allowed me to breath freely. I searched for the point of this all and paraphrased Henry Thoreau - rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.
I set the process in motion and turned around to see her radiant face. The truth was right there staring at me with those doe eyes. The look on her face was the same Genghis would have had after conquering the world, the look that dude from Ghajini would have if he remembered minute details of his life or a man after his first sip of wine having crossing a desert.
.
.
.
.
I smiled as she took her second bite of the Pani Puri.
We arrived at our destination after what seemed like a millennium for her. The cool breeze kissed my face, the chatter reminded me that this was a happy place and the love all around allowed me to breath freely. I searched for the point of this all and paraphrased Henry Thoreau - rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.
I set the process in motion and turned around to see her radiant face. The truth was right there staring at me with those doe eyes. The look on her face was the same Genghis would have had after conquering the world, the look that dude from Ghajini would have if he remembered minute details of his life or a man after his first sip of wine having crossing a desert.
.
.
.
.
I smiled as she took her second bite of the Pani Puri.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Drink to my bones
WARNING: LONG POST
The fact that a lot people use Facebook, Twitter, Blogs etc to confess their love for their nephews, nieces & children is finally getting to me. Facebook has the bad habit of displaying on my page what people throw up on theirs. "Pappu ate his first bogger today" or "My little one makes cute faces while taking a shit while my elder one makes castles of poo". Since I do not have a child and I would rather play catch with my nephew than upload his photographs, I have decided to tell you the story about my left leg which is way more important than all your children put together.
Summary: Broke 2 bones above my left ankle while playing football. My parents and wife were not in town. I wasn't carrying my wallet or cellphone. It was a complex fracture. Had surgery. Have 2 steel plates and 14 screws in my leg now. Your 3 year old niece can beat me at the 100 mts.
The point is, extended periods of inactivity slows time down. One can do nothing else except think. There are a lot of things that happened during this time and here goes the summary.
1) The incident: We are a bunch of unfit, slaves to the corporate world dudes who play football 1-2 times a week. When you play 5 a side games once or twice a week the process is as follows when it comes to on-field injuries :
a) Evaluate
b) Play doctor
c) Argue
a) Evaluate: The first thing that you do is evaluate the injury. Not out of concern but to decide if we can roll this dude outta the ground and continue with the game. "Kya hua" and " Can you continue playing" are the questions I was asked. Also keep in mind if 1 guy drops out, you are playing 4 on 5 which isn't easy.
b) Play doctor: Any footballer worth has salt will lie about most of the injuries he has had and claim to have extensive knowledge about sports injuries. He will also diagnose & give a solution to your injury. This is how the conversation went:
Me: Fk dude. Think I broke my leg
The Dr: No dude, its a dislocated ankle
Me: I know it man. I heard the snap
The Dr: Quit being a bitch. I have dislocated my ankle before. I can put it back in place.
Me (in total disbelief): Do you see the broken bone jutting outta my socks 4 inches above my ankle? Broken bones asshole
The Dr: I disagree. You are in pain and cannot think straight
My advise is to stay the hell away from the on-field doctor.
c) Argue: After the diagnosis is labeled serious the arguments started. Mode of transport, how should I be picked up and what doctor/hospital to go to. Everyone claimed to have the best knowledge about everything.
All in all the 3 steps turn out to be a dick measurement exercise amongst those present.
2) The Hospital: After much argument and yelling I was bundled into an auto and we went to Joshi Hospital. This place is the stuff nightmares are made of. 7 footballers, my broken foot and I enter the hospital. I was put on a stretcher while a friend carefully removed my football shoes. The ward boys from hell came to rip my socks off when I politely requested them to cut the socks rather than rip it off and permanently damage my leg. They concurred. Then right outta the movies I was stretched off to the X-ray room hitting every corner and door on the way there. The ward-boy promptly taps me on my injured leg to tell me to move onto the X-ray table.
The attendant was a cock-eyed, salivating slob who had been pushed around all his life. All 8 of us took an instant disliking for his. He kept telling me that surgery was required and that I should get admitted. We did not trust him and I decided to call someone else I knew. The clincher is....The slob refused to give me a painkiller till I agreed to get admitted in the hospital. I did not. He also made me write and sign a note saying I left the hospital of my own free will. He also yelled at me for the bad handwriting---I wrote the note while on a stretcher, facing up, with no support for the paper and 2 broken bones. Some people
Overall it was an insane experience. What happened after I shifted into Kelkar hospital is like a dream. The friendly professional doctors, the morphine like painkiller shots and the 2 people holding me down while the doctor put on a temporary cast makes me laugh now. Am on the way to recovery...
Note:
- Broken bones do not hurt as much as I thought
- My ass still hurts from the 10 injections I had to take
- I have not put on any weight
- Thank the guys who helped me out
- Thanks to a friend....she know who she is
The fact that a lot people use Facebook, Twitter, Blogs etc to confess their love for their nephews, nieces & children is finally getting to me. Facebook has the bad habit of displaying on my page what people throw up on theirs. "Pappu ate his first bogger today" or "My little one makes cute faces while taking a shit while my elder one makes castles of poo". Since I do not have a child and I would rather play catch with my nephew than upload his photographs, I have decided to tell you the story about my left leg which is way more important than all your children put together.
Summary: Broke 2 bones above my left ankle while playing football. My parents and wife were not in town. I wasn't carrying my wallet or cellphone. It was a complex fracture. Had surgery. Have 2 steel plates and 14 screws in my leg now. Your 3 year old niece can beat me at the 100 mts.
The point is, extended periods of inactivity slows time down. One can do nothing else except think. There are a lot of things that happened during this time and here goes the summary.
1) The incident: We are a bunch of unfit, slaves to the corporate world dudes who play football 1-2 times a week. When you play 5 a side games once or twice a week the process is as follows when it comes to on-field injuries :
a) Evaluate
b) Play doctor
c) Argue
a) Evaluate: The first thing that you do is evaluate the injury. Not out of concern but to decide if we can roll this dude outta the ground and continue with the game. "Kya hua" and " Can you continue playing" are the questions I was asked. Also keep in mind if 1 guy drops out, you are playing 4 on 5 which isn't easy.
b) Play doctor: Any footballer worth has salt will lie about most of the injuries he has had and claim to have extensive knowledge about sports injuries. He will also diagnose & give a solution to your injury. This is how the conversation went:
Me: Fk dude. Think I broke my leg
The Dr: No dude, its a dislocated ankle
Me: I know it man. I heard the snap
The Dr: Quit being a bitch. I have dislocated my ankle before. I can put it back in place.
Me (in total disbelief): Do you see the broken bone jutting outta my socks 4 inches above my ankle? Broken bones asshole
The Dr: I disagree. You are in pain and cannot think straight
My advise is to stay the hell away from the on-field doctor.
c) Argue: After the diagnosis is labeled serious the arguments started. Mode of transport, how should I be picked up and what doctor/hospital to go to. Everyone claimed to have the best knowledge about everything.
All in all the 3 steps turn out to be a dick measurement exercise amongst those present.
2) The Hospital: After much argument and yelling I was bundled into an auto and we went to Joshi Hospital. This place is the stuff nightmares are made of. 7 footballers, my broken foot and I enter the hospital. I was put on a stretcher while a friend carefully removed my football shoes. The ward boys from hell came to rip my socks off when I politely requested them to cut the socks rather than rip it off and permanently damage my leg. They concurred. Then right outta the movies I was stretched off to the X-ray room hitting every corner and door on the way there. The ward-boy promptly taps me on my injured leg to tell me to move onto the X-ray table.
The attendant was a cock-eyed, salivating slob who had been pushed around all his life. All 8 of us took an instant disliking for his. He kept telling me that surgery was required and that I should get admitted. We did not trust him and I decided to call someone else I knew. The clincher is....The slob refused to give me a painkiller till I agreed to get admitted in the hospital. I did not. He also made me write and sign a note saying I left the hospital of my own free will. He also yelled at me for the bad handwriting---I wrote the note while on a stretcher, facing up, with no support for the paper and 2 broken bones. Some people
Overall it was an insane experience. What happened after I shifted into Kelkar hospital is like a dream. The friendly professional doctors, the morphine like painkiller shots and the 2 people holding me down while the doctor put on a temporary cast makes me laugh now. Am on the way to recovery...
Note:
- Broken bones do not hurt as much as I thought
- My ass still hurts from the 10 injections I had to take
- I have not put on any weight
- Thank the guys who helped me out
- Thanks to a friend....she know who she is
Monday, February 22, 2010
The Others
I love messing around with peoples belief systems. I love to observe people react when the house of cards that their belief systems were come crashing down. Acting like a sociopath and saying things even though you know they are politically incorrect/wrong makes people very uncomfortable. I love it. Try the following:
1) Say honestly is bullshit, that virtue hold no water- to an old timer. Especially a Gandhian.
2) To a feminist/any human being: Rape is so overrated. Women should grow up a bit.
You get the picture.
The following incidence actually happened. Its not as crazy as the statements above but it was fun:
A friend of mine, lets call him Ajax came over to my house on Saturday and we decided to step out for dinner. Ajax is a Muslim (very important to mention this) born and brought up in Pune, knows Pune and its people very well and speaks flawless Marathi. We go to this little joint on JM road in Pune. We are sitting indoors and get down to taking shit and discussing how cruel the world has been to us etc. We are surrounded by 3 tables, all full of Maharashtrian families and teenagers. Now I am not a racist but I stereotype. The place is bumping with "typical" Hindu Maharastrians. The ones who talk in English with a Marathi accent, love cricket, hate football and go out on saturday night not cause they want to but because its part of the routine. Now for those who have not stayed in Pune its a bit difficult to understand this stereotype so I suggest you stop reading this. The rest....go on.
The place is lively with people chatting and waiters running about. Ajax and I are in the middle of our conversation when his phone rings. Its his friend from "that" part of the city. Ajax picks up the phone and says "Salam Alekum". Dayam, the joint turned into a Chinese Whisper game in an instance with all eyes looking at us as though we were child rapists who got away on a faulty warrant. I nearly choked on my food and started snickering. The place was never the same again. We were outsides. We did not belong. I could not let go of this opportunity.
We paid the bill and were about to leave when I get up from the table and let out a loud "Allah hu Akbar". The expressions were priceless post that. We could not stay long as we were laughing our asses off.
1) Say honestly is bullshit, that virtue hold no water- to an old timer. Especially a Gandhian.
2) To a feminist/any human being: Rape is so overrated. Women should grow up a bit.
You get the picture.
The following incidence actually happened. Its not as crazy as the statements above but it was fun:
A friend of mine, lets call him Ajax came over to my house on Saturday and we decided to step out for dinner. Ajax is a Muslim (very important to mention this) born and brought up in Pune, knows Pune and its people very well and speaks flawless Marathi. We go to this little joint on JM road in Pune. We are sitting indoors and get down to taking shit and discussing how cruel the world has been to us etc. We are surrounded by 3 tables, all full of Maharashtrian families and teenagers. Now I am not a racist but I stereotype. The place is bumping with "typical" Hindu Maharastrians. The ones who talk in English with a Marathi accent, love cricket, hate football and go out on saturday night not cause they want to but because its part of the routine. Now for those who have not stayed in Pune its a bit difficult to understand this stereotype so I suggest you stop reading this. The rest....go on.
The place is lively with people chatting and waiters running about. Ajax and I are in the middle of our conversation when his phone rings. Its his friend from "that" part of the city. Ajax picks up the phone and says "Salam Alekum". Dayam, the joint turned into a Chinese Whisper game in an instance with all eyes looking at us as though we were child rapists who got away on a faulty warrant. I nearly choked on my food and started snickering. The place was never the same again. We were outsides. We did not belong. I could not let go of this opportunity.
We paid the bill and were about to leave when I get up from the table and let out a loud "Allah hu Akbar". The expressions were priceless post that. We could not stay long as we were laughing our asses off.
Friday, February 19, 2010
364 days without a smoke
Its been 364 days since I quit smoking....still miss it. I have been told that 95%* of people who quit smoking restart within a year. Guess that is my first top 5% percentile rank in a loooong time.
Its been hard but not as hard as some say it is. Tons of things have happened over the past year. Stuff of joy, sadness, disappointment and excitement. All emotions attracted me towards my trusted friend but I guess I kept my "dark passenger" at bay.
Don't ask me the secret cause there is none. You either do it or you don't.
Wanted to thank all those who supported this endeavour and to those who tempted me to start again - hope all your kids are born deformed :-P
Next target......regular exercise.
*95% - information provided by Puma. If untrue, take it up with him
Its been hard but not as hard as some say it is. Tons of things have happened over the past year. Stuff of joy, sadness, disappointment and excitement. All emotions attracted me towards my trusted friend but I guess I kept my "dark passenger" at bay.
Don't ask me the secret cause there is none. You either do it or you don't.
Wanted to thank all those who supported this endeavour and to those who tempted me to start again - hope all your kids are born deformed :-P
Next target......regular exercise.
*95% - information provided by Puma. If untrue, take it up with him
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
The serial killer in me
On Indian roads people are scrambling towards their destination as though the apocalypse was around the next bend. Riding on these roads sometimes reminds me of being a baby, when you are tightly wrapped in a cloth so you feel secure. The difference being that while the baby has the luxury of comfort, standing in a mass of people at a traffic jam is close enough for you to catch Herpes from the dude next to you.
Was approaching a traffic signal this morning on the Bullet. The road was infested with traffic like a homeless woman's hair is with lice. The display above the signal read 8 (seconds). I had about 20 meters to cover to beat the light. I knew I could make it....easy as pie. Horns were going off like crazy, rage surrounded us and people were accustomed to the fact that a couple us would not come out alive on the other side of the signal. The car in front of me stops abruptly & boxed me in. I missed the green light.
I was dumbstruck. I felt violated, sad, angry. I was in denial. I felt like I was shown the promise land and then told "That's what you cant have". I felt betrayed. I felt like I had wiped my sick uncle's ass for 5 years and he left all the inheritance to my evil twin instead. Denial soon turned to rage. I was grinding my teeth, broke into a cold sweat and wanted to bleed the guy in the stalled car dry. Its like I was possessed. I blocked out thoughts of family, friends, the law, society, justice and morals. All I wanted to do is kill the guy in the car. I was in the twilight zone, intoxicated and excited. Thankfully I snapped outta it in under a couple of seconds, calmed down and moved on.
I wonder and hope that it remains at a couple of seconds.
(need to stop watching Dexter)
Was approaching a traffic signal this morning on the Bullet. The road was infested with traffic like a homeless woman's hair is with lice. The display above the signal read 8 (seconds). I had about 20 meters to cover to beat the light. I knew I could make it....easy as pie. Horns were going off like crazy, rage surrounded us and people were accustomed to the fact that a couple us would not come out alive on the other side of the signal. The car in front of me stops abruptly & boxed me in. I missed the green light.
I was dumbstruck. I felt violated, sad, angry. I was in denial. I felt like I was shown the promise land and then told "That's what you cant have". I felt betrayed. I felt like I had wiped my sick uncle's ass for 5 years and he left all the inheritance to my evil twin instead. Denial soon turned to rage. I was grinding my teeth, broke into a cold sweat and wanted to bleed the guy in the stalled car dry. Its like I was possessed. I blocked out thoughts of family, friends, the law, society, justice and morals. All I wanted to do is kill the guy in the car. I was in the twilight zone, intoxicated and excited. Thankfully I snapped outta it in under a couple of seconds, calmed down and moved on.
I wonder and hope that it remains at a couple of seconds.
(need to stop watching Dexter)
Friday, January 1, 2010
New year resolutions 2010
It's a new year bitches. I was going through the resolution list I made last year and surprised myself. Given below are the promises made, what I actually meant followed by the 2009 performance. Last year's resolution post
1) Quit smoking
1) Stick to 10 a day
I have quit smoking. Been clean for 311 days.
2) Hit the gym
2) Climb a flight of stairs once a week
Was jogging for 2 months followed by football. Stopped. Have to restart.
3) Stay in touch with relatives
3) Make my wife SMS them once a month
I actually took the effort to attend all family reunions and found out I have a lot in common with my cousins. Will keep in touch.
4) Be a concerned citizen
4) More dinner table conversations about improving the country
Nothing has changed. I pay my taxes on time....if that counts.
5) Be the best husband ever
5) Keep the toilet seat down after taking a leak
My wife seems to think so :-)
6) No road rage
6) Gallis in English only
A little calmer on the road. A little.
7) A vacation outside India
7) A vacation outside India
Singapore. Not a vacation though.
Not made my list for 2010 yet but have a couple of pointers from the Mrs already.
1) Quit smoking
1) Stick to 10 a day
I have quit smoking. Been clean for 311 days.
2) Hit the gym
2) Climb a flight of stairs once a week
Was jogging for 2 months followed by football. Stopped. Have to restart.
3) Stay in touch with relatives
3) Make my wife SMS them once a month
I actually took the effort to attend all family reunions and found out I have a lot in common with my cousins. Will keep in touch.
4) Be a concerned citizen
4) More dinner table conversations about improving the country
Nothing has changed. I pay my taxes on time....if that counts.
5) Be the best husband ever
5) Keep the toilet seat down after taking a leak
My wife seems to think so :-)
6) No road rage
6) Gallis in English only
A little calmer on the road. A little.
7) A vacation outside India
7) A vacation outside India
Singapore. Not a vacation though.
Not made my list for 2010 yet but have a couple of pointers from the Mrs already.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Liberal
Imposing ones views, thoughts, religion etc on others is natural human tendency. It leads to profit. May not be the monetary kind but psychological, sexual etc.
Liberal for me is live and let die. I do not mean apathy be your biggest virtue but to each his/her own suits me fine. My family is very liberal by Indian standards. Dont get me wrong, they had their limits set but are very flexible compared to most humans I came across. I was visiting home sometime back and met my family and some of my wife's family. 2 conversations worth mentioning during one the umpteen gatherings.
1) I have always been "appreciated" by all for helping my wife around the house. I cannot cook to save my life but make wicked rotis when the maid does not turn up. I also make tea, buy vegetables, get the maids to work, clean the house occasionally etc. This "helping" aspect is somehow worth mentioning (by the family) every time we meet. It used to get my goat by my wife told me to let it go cause its something familys discuss. During my last visit when the helping thing came up a cousin of my wife interrupted with:
"Why are we mentioning this all over again? Isn't he SUPPOSED to do the house work? The very fact we mention it makes it special?
For all the liberal thinkers who LET their daughters work, marry the men of their choice and not give sermons on birth control, it is somehow impossible to imagine men doing house hold work. Hardwired into our DNA is the bhartiya sanskriti which does not allow us to stop thinking about this. I looked across the room to thank the cousin and she smiled back.
2) People were discussing marriage. Long lost friends, cousins, foes etc. Do you remember she married that businessman who went under, he married that women with the drinking problem etc. This was working better for me that the sedative I took until 1 statement woke me up.
"Hey, you remember that 2nd cousin who married that women, Mary? They are so happy together even though she is a Christian".
It came out so naturally that all the aunties and uncles around nodded in approval. The bias had surfaced and gone under in a matter of 5 seconds.
Liberal for me is live and let die. I do not mean apathy be your biggest virtue but to each his/her own suits me fine. My family is very liberal by Indian standards. Dont get me wrong, they had their limits set but are very flexible compared to most humans I came across. I was visiting home sometime back and met my family and some of my wife's family. 2 conversations worth mentioning during one the umpteen gatherings.
1) I have always been "appreciated" by all for helping my wife around the house. I cannot cook to save my life but make wicked rotis when the maid does not turn up. I also make tea, buy vegetables, get the maids to work, clean the house occasionally etc. This "helping" aspect is somehow worth mentioning (by the family) every time we meet. It used to get my goat by my wife told me to let it go cause its something familys discuss. During my last visit when the helping thing came up a cousin of my wife interrupted with:
"Why are we mentioning this all over again? Isn't he SUPPOSED to do the house work? The very fact we mention it makes it special?
For all the liberal thinkers who LET their daughters work, marry the men of their choice and not give sermons on birth control, it is somehow impossible to imagine men doing house hold work. Hardwired into our DNA is the bhartiya sanskriti which does not allow us to stop thinking about this. I looked across the room to thank the cousin and she smiled back.
2) People were discussing marriage. Long lost friends, cousins, foes etc. Do you remember she married that businessman who went under, he married that women with the drinking problem etc. This was working better for me that the sedative I took until 1 statement woke me up.
"Hey, you remember that 2nd cousin who married that women, Mary? They are so happy together even though she is a Christian".
It came out so naturally that all the aunties and uncles around nodded in approval. The bias had surfaced and gone under in a matter of 5 seconds.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Welcome to the dark side
This is one of my favorite topics.
I love to read about serial killers, what goes into making one, types of serial killers, deeds, trial etc.
Here are the FAQs for you:
Q1)What is a serial killer?
A1) A serial killer is a person who murders usually 3 or more people over a period of more than 30 days with a "cooling off" period between each murder, whose motivation for killing is largely based on psychological gratification.
Q2) What are the types of serial killers?
A2) a) Organized/nonsocial offenders & b) Disorganized/asocial offenders
a) Organized/nonsocial offenders- are usually of high intelligence, have an above average IQ (>110 range), and plan their crimes quite methodically, usually abducting victims, killing them in one place and disposing of them in another.
b)Disorganized/asocial offenders- Disorganized/asocial offenders are often of low intelligence, have a below average IQ (<90), and commit their crimes impulsively.
Q3) What motivates them?
A3) The motives of serial killers are generally placed into 4 categories: 1)visionary 2)mission-oriented 3)hedonistic 4) power/control; however, there is often considerable overlap among these categories
Q4) Their presence in popular culture?
A4) a) The Silence of the Lambs b)Hannibal c) Psycho d) Seven e) Copycat etc. You also have serial killer encyclopedias, trading cards, and action figures.
Q5) Famous serial killers?
A5) David Berkowitz aka "Son of Sam", Ted Bundy, and Ed Gein (part of the character of Buffalo Bill were based on him)
Q6) Any desi slugdogs?
A6) Yes - Surender Koli and Moninder Singh Pandher, Raman Raghav, Charles Sobhraj and thug Behram who seems to top the list of number of kills.
Just finished watching Dexter season 3 this weekend. Dexter is an American television drama series that airs on American premium channel Showtime. Set in Miami, the series centers on Dexter Morgan, a serial killer governed by a strict moral code who works for the Miami Metro Police Department as a blood spatter analyst.
Dexter's opening title sequence features an extended montage where ordinary day-to-day events such as shaving, flossing and preparing breakfast are used to visually evoke Dexter's darker nature. Turn up the volume....
P.S- Salman Khan is not a serial killer. He is just a sociopath.
P.P.S - Don't get all judgmental now. I know you dream of your mother-in-laws falling off the 10th floor balcony or siblings ODing so you get all the jaidaat.
Info from: wikipedia
I love to read about serial killers, what goes into making one, types of serial killers, deeds, trial etc.
Here are the FAQs for you:
Q1)What is a serial killer?
A1) A serial killer is a person who murders usually 3 or more people over a period of more than 30 days with a "cooling off" period between each murder, whose motivation for killing is largely based on psychological gratification.
Q2) What are the types of serial killers?
A2) a) Organized/nonsocial offenders & b) Disorganized/asocial offenders
a) Organized/nonsocial offenders- are usually of high intelligence, have an above average IQ (>110 range), and plan their crimes quite methodically, usually abducting victims, killing them in one place and disposing of them in another.
b)Disorganized/asocial offenders- Disorganized/asocial offenders are often of low intelligence, have a below average IQ (<90), and commit their crimes impulsively.
Q3) What motivates them?
A3) The motives of serial killers are generally placed into 4 categories: 1)visionary 2)mission-oriented 3)hedonistic 4) power/control; however, there is often considerable overlap among these categories
Q4) Their presence in popular culture?
A4) a) The Silence of the Lambs b)Hannibal c) Psycho d) Seven e) Copycat etc. You also have serial killer encyclopedias, trading cards, and action figures.
Q5) Famous serial killers?
A5) David Berkowitz aka "Son of Sam", Ted Bundy, and Ed Gein (part of the character of Buffalo Bill were based on him)
Q6) Any desi slugdogs?
A6) Yes - Surender Koli and Moninder Singh Pandher, Raman Raghav, Charles Sobhraj and thug Behram who seems to top the list of number of kills.
Just finished watching Dexter season 3 this weekend. Dexter is an American television drama series that airs on American premium channel Showtime. Set in Miami, the series centers on Dexter Morgan, a serial killer governed by a strict moral code who works for the Miami Metro Police Department as a blood spatter analyst.
Dexter's opening title sequence features an extended montage where ordinary day-to-day events such as shaving, flossing and preparing breakfast are used to visually evoke Dexter's darker nature. Turn up the volume....
P.S- Salman Khan is not a serial killer. He is just a sociopath.
P.P.S - Don't get all judgmental now. I know you dream of your mother-in-laws falling off the 10th floor balcony or siblings ODing so you get all the jaidaat.
Info from: wikipedia
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Of mice and women
Scenario 1
Was over at my friends place sometime back. Both of em belong to Mumbai. The wife was going home for the weekend. This is how the conversation panned out:
Wife: You want anything from home?
Husband: Yea. Get some raw poha from Mumbai. Miss that shit here. Also tell my mum to give you her poha recipe. (His mum makes the best poha ever. I vouch for that).
Wife: You mean to say the poha I make for you is not good?
Husband: Na na. Poha is my mum's specialty. Like she mastered in Poha making.
Wife: My mum makes good poha too you know....
I took the hint and left.
Scenario 2:
My wife and I were about to go to bed yesterday when....
Wife: You know what day is tomorrow?
Me: Yes. Thursday.
Wife: Do you know what DAY is tomorrow?
Me: (my head spinning trying to figure it out)....ahhh...you mom's birthday?
No, no....dad's.
Wife: Neither. You don't bother to keep a track of any important dates as far as family is concerned right?
Me: Na sweets. Nothing like that. (I grabbed my cellphone and opened the reminder section). Tell me what is tomorrow and I will make sure I wish that person.
Wife: (Smiling) Go to sleep. Am just messing with you. Nothing special about tomorrow.
Was over at my friends place sometime back. Both of em belong to Mumbai. The wife was going home for the weekend. This is how the conversation panned out:
Wife: You want anything from home?
Husband: Yea. Get some raw poha from Mumbai. Miss that shit here. Also tell my mum to give you her poha recipe. (His mum makes the best poha ever. I vouch for that).
Wife: You mean to say the poha I make for you is not good?
Husband: Na na. Poha is my mum's specialty. Like she mastered in Poha making.
Wife: My mum makes good poha too you know....
I took the hint and left.
Scenario 2:
My wife and I were about to go to bed yesterday when....
Wife: You know what day is tomorrow?
Me: Yes. Thursday.
Wife: Do you know what DAY is tomorrow?
Me: (my head spinning trying to figure it out)....ahhh...you mom's birthday?
No, no....dad's.
Wife: Neither. You don't bother to keep a track of any important dates as far as family is concerned right?
Me: Na sweets. Nothing like that. (I grabbed my cellphone and opened the reminder section). Tell me what is tomorrow and I will make sure I wish that person.
Wife: (Smiling) Go to sleep. Am just messing with you. Nothing special about tomorrow.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Cold Turkey
A little over 60 hrs since my last smoke. Have quit for the first time since I started 7 years ago. Don't feel any different other that my mouth being as dry as the Sahara and people around me happy.
Friday, February 13, 2009
25 Things About Me
Guess the bug has got me so here is my list.
1) Am a die hard Maharashtrian and I love Pune- my official "hometown"
2) I studied in 6 different schools across 4 states in India
3) I have fired most handguns the Indian Army possesses and am a marksman (9/10 hits over 3 rounds of firing). Insas, Carbine, LMG, MMG, AK-47, 0.9mm Pistol.
4) I think all kids (boys) should be beaten if necessary. Smack them once and when they start to cry smack them again to show that you mean business
5) It freaked me out for the longest time (till I was 7) to see Gandhi/Nehru etc giving a speech on the TV though they were dead for a long time.
6) A friend of mine had convinced me that there are no mosquitoes in France as the entire nation was cover with a giant mosquito net
7) I put on 31 kg in 9 months.
8) I loved growing up in the 80's where there was no TV, internet, mobiles, when days were spent roller blading, trekking etc and it was ok just to GET THROUGH school.
9) I believe in god. Am just not convinced about the concept of rituals etc
10) I love to smoke. Its the only vice I have.
11) Fantasies: 1) Time travel, 2)Have an army of Terminators (T-1000 model) at my disposal 3)Immortality
12) I have a terrific set of parents and a sister who I fear, respect and love dearly
13) My wife gets along with my folks way better than I do. Am told its rare.
14) S and I are poles apart. All my friends wonder how S married a guy like me. I tend to wonder too.
15) I wish I was taller. I really wish.
16) Am not much of a reader. Give me audio visuals any day.
17) If I could be born in a different era, race, country it would be the 60's in the US when Floyd, The Beatles etc and drugs were young.
18) I married the right women and was born to the best parents. Have the best sis and bro-in-law possible
19) I love my Bullet and I hate people who don't like it
20) I have never voted
21) I have the gift of looking interested and pretending to understand everything in all my social interaction
22) I speak/read/write- English, Hindi, Marathi and pretend to understand Gujarati and Punjabi
23) I have nicknames I can't/wont tell you
24) I would love to stay in Japan for at least a year
25) I love football, chess and tennis. I hate watch women play/perform except in the WWE and synchronized swimming. The men's game is way high on quality to take a step down to watch women play.
1) Am a die hard Maharashtrian and I love Pune- my official "hometown"
2) I studied in 6 different schools across 4 states in India
3) I have fired most handguns the Indian Army possesses and am a marksman (9/10 hits over 3 rounds of firing). Insas, Carbine, LMG, MMG, AK-47, 0.9mm Pistol.
4) I think all kids (boys) should be beaten if necessary. Smack them once and when they start to cry smack them again to show that you mean business
5) It freaked me out for the longest time (till I was 7) to see Gandhi/Nehru etc giving a speech on the TV though they were dead for a long time.
6) A friend of mine had convinced me that there are no mosquitoes in France as the entire nation was cover with a giant mosquito net
7) I put on 31 kg in 9 months.
8) I loved growing up in the 80's where there was no TV, internet, mobiles, when days were spent roller blading, trekking etc and it was ok just to GET THROUGH school.
9) I believe in god. Am just not convinced about the concept of rituals etc
10) I love to smoke. Its the only vice I have.
11) Fantasies: 1) Time travel, 2)Have an army of Terminators (T-1000 model) at my disposal 3)Immortality
12) I have a terrific set of parents and a sister who I fear, respect and love dearly
13) My wife gets along with my folks way better than I do. Am told its rare.
14) S and I are poles apart. All my friends wonder how S married a guy like me. I tend to wonder too.
15) I wish I was taller. I really wish.
16) Am not much of a reader. Give me audio visuals any day.
17) If I could be born in a different era, race, country it would be the 60's in the US when Floyd, The Beatles etc and drugs were young.
18) I married the right women and was born to the best parents. Have the best sis and bro-in-law possible
19) I love my Bullet and I hate people who don't like it
20) I have never voted
21) I have the gift of looking interested and pretending to understand everything in all my social interaction
22) I speak/read/write- English, Hindi, Marathi and pretend to understand Gujarati and Punjabi
23) I have nicknames I can't/wont tell you
24) I would love to stay in Japan for at least a year
25) I love football, chess and tennis. I hate watch women play/perform except in the WWE and synchronized swimming. The men's game is way high on quality to take a step down to watch women play.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Of whiskys and dosas
Decided to have a laaazy lunch at a friend's place yesterday. "Laaazy"....the jury is still out on that one.
Objective:
To spend a lazy Sunday afternoon
Time line:
2pm to 10.30 pm
Team:
R: the host, a.k.a "chic londa" with a loved up bachelor pad and as calm as a dead fish. Suffers from a mild form of OCD
M: Unassuming, patient, sleepy guest. Loves Silk Smitha. Sings like a canary be it Altaf Raja or Kumar Shanu songs
L: M's better half. Hyper, wannabe chef, sucker for etiquette & palm reader. Suffers from OCD
S: my (much)better half. The only non drinker in the group. Cleanliness freak
Me: I do justice to the food. Stupid when normal. Ludicrous when drunk
Methodology:
1 kg mutton keema, 1 kg chicken rassa, 1 kg mutton biriyani, 1 lt dosa batter, 10-15 lts of beer, gin, whiskey and a 32' LCD.
Discussions ranged from Hindu mythology, palmistry, real estate/hospitality sector, to how would we would like to "do" Silk Smitha.
Conclusion:
1) I get real pissed when am woken up by sprinkling water on my face
2) M can sleep peacefully with a plate in one hand and the TV remote in the other
3) Beer does not leave stains on the tablecloth
4) I am not the "only" idiot in the room
5) R will never again invite us over. EVER
Objective:
To spend a lazy Sunday afternoon
Time line:
2pm to 10.30 pm
Team:
R: the host, a.k.a "chic londa" with a loved up bachelor pad and as calm as a dead fish. Suffers from a mild form of OCD
M: Unassuming, patient, sleepy guest. Loves Silk Smitha. Sings like a canary be it Altaf Raja or Kumar Shanu songs
L: M's better half. Hyper, wannabe chef, sucker for etiquette & palm reader. Suffers from OCD
S: my (much)better half. The only non drinker in the group. Cleanliness freak
Me: I do justice to the food. Stupid when normal. Ludicrous when drunk
Methodology:
1 kg mutton keema, 1 kg chicken rassa, 1 kg mutton biriyani, 1 lt dosa batter, 10-15 lts of beer, gin, whiskey and a 32' LCD.
Discussions ranged from Hindu mythology, palmistry, real estate/hospitality sector, to how would we would like to "do" Silk Smitha.
Conclusion:
1) I get real pissed when am woken up by sprinkling water on my face
2) M can sleep peacefully with a plate in one hand and the TV remote in the other
3) Beer does not leave stains on the tablecloth
4) I am not the "only" idiot in the room
5) R will never again invite us over. EVER
Friday, January 2, 2009
New year resolutions
A new year. A new set of promises to break. Here is my list for 2009. The list is broken into "What I say" & "What I mean"
1) Quit smoking
1) Stick to 10 a day
2) Hit the gym
2) Climb a flight of stairs once a week
3) Stay in touch with relatives
3) Make my wife SMS them once a month
4) Be a concerned citizen
4) More dinner table conversations about improving the country
5) Be the best husband ever
5) Keep the toilet seat down after taking a leak
6) No road rage
6) Gallis in English only
7) A vacation outside India
7) A vacation outside India
Here is wishing you a spanking new year.
1) Quit smoking
1) Stick to 10 a day
2) Hit the gym
2) Climb a flight of stairs once a week
3) Stay in touch with relatives
3) Make my wife SMS them once a month
4) Be a concerned citizen
4) More dinner table conversations about improving the country
5) Be the best husband ever
5) Keep the toilet seat down after taking a leak
6) No road rage
6) Gallis in English only
7) A vacation outside India
7) A vacation outside India
Here is wishing you a spanking new year.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Traffic cops
The disadvantage of riding a Bullet is that all cops assume that you have tons of money. What they fail to understand is that we SPENT all our money buying the thing. I tend to stand out in a crowd (for all the wrong reasons) cause ride a MH-12 registration Bullet in Hyderabad, had the exhaust changed to get a louder thump and am constantly yelling at fellow riders. My luck finally caught up with me last evening when I got pulled over by a traffic cop. I assume the havaldar was new to the force with his Inspector saab pulling people over about 15 feet away. This is how the conversation went...
Cop: License, PUC certificate, NOC. (All originals are in Pune btw)
Me: Saar, I have sent all the docs to Pune RTO for the NOC. Here is my license though.
Cop: There is a fine of Rs. 1200 for not having a NOC
Me: (Agitated) - The Pune RTO is asking me for money to give a NOC and you wanna fine me for not having one. I am new to this city and this is how you treat me? (been here for 14 months now)
The cop was taken aback returned my license and uttered the 3 words we all love to hear when pulled over...
"KUCH CHAI PAANI"
With my wallet Rs. 30 lighter I squeezed the trigger before his Saab could come over for his share.
Cop: License, PUC certificate, NOC. (All originals are in Pune btw)
Me: Saar, I have sent all the docs to Pune RTO for the NOC. Here is my license though.
Cop: There is a fine of Rs. 1200 for not having a NOC
Me: (Agitated) - The Pune RTO is asking me for money to give a NOC and you wanna fine me for not having one. I am new to this city and this is how you treat me? (been here for 14 months now)
The cop was taken aback returned my license and uttered the 3 words we all love to hear when pulled over...
"KUCH CHAI PAANI"
With my wallet Rs. 30 lighter I squeezed the trigger before his Saab could come over for his share.
Monday, November 24, 2008
To have or not to have
Kids. Love them....for about 20 mins.
No pressure on us to pop one out as yet. I see all around me...my friends, enemies, acquaintances, cousins etc planning, carrying or having babies. I am yet to fully understand "why". Dont get me wrong...I am not against the concept or a kid hater. I just need a better reason to create life.
The cornerstone of the Indian middle class kid's life, has these phases:
Birth- School admission- 10th Boards- 12th Boards- Graduation- PG- Employment- Pay hike-Foreign Tour- Marriage- Kid- 2nd Kid- and the cycle starts again.
Somewhere in between are the birthdays, sports events and puberty. I do not claim that if you follow or have followed this cycle you are ordinary and unhappy. I merely point out that we follow a pattern and you and I are no exceptions. No one has been able to give me a non-emotional (quantifiable) reason to make babies. "Everybody does it" ain't a good enough reason for me to loose sleep, money and my wife's attention. Continue the family name, watch something you create grow, play thing, feels right etc are reasons as pointless and futile as analyzing Govinda's "Raja Babu".
Guess the "it" feeling is yet to set in and reason is yet to give way to emotions. So till then if am told or asked about the "good news" I am tempted to say "drink a shot of Jack Daniels and slap yourself with hawaii chappals" *
*read that somewhere and loved it..
No pressure on us to pop one out as yet. I see all around me...my friends, enemies, acquaintances, cousins etc planning, carrying or having babies. I am yet to fully understand "why". Dont get me wrong...I am not against the concept or a kid hater. I just need a better reason to create life.
The cornerstone of the Indian middle class kid's life, has these phases:
Birth- School admission- 10th Boards- 12th Boards- Graduation- PG- Employment- Pay hike-Foreign Tour- Marriage- Kid- 2nd Kid- and the cycle starts again.
Somewhere in between are the birthdays, sports events and puberty. I do not claim that if you follow or have followed this cycle you are ordinary and unhappy. I merely point out that we follow a pattern and you and I are no exceptions. No one has been able to give me a non-emotional (quantifiable) reason to make babies. "Everybody does it" ain't a good enough reason for me to loose sleep, money and my wife's attention. Continue the family name, watch something you create grow, play thing, feels right etc are reasons as pointless and futile as analyzing Govinda's "Raja Babu".
Guess the "it" feeling is yet to set in and reason is yet to give way to emotions. So till then if am told or asked about the "good news" I am tempted to say "drink a shot of Jack Daniels and slap yourself with hawaii chappals" *
*read that somewhere and loved it..
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Getting old and hating it!
Ah....the exuberance of youth, the freedom, the carefree days, license to act stupid, all gone. I hate to admit it but having reached the "middle" phase of life i just cant let go of the "youth" phase,though the signs are telling.
I cant relate to the u:th of today.....with most going "i love ma laptop, ma car, ma ipod, ma mobile". Ma mobile? WTF is that? All i remember is pappu pager and munna mobile.
The kids in my building are unrelenting too. It first hit me when i was politely told by "running nose ramesh"* to return the cricket ball with a "Uncle can we have our ball back"? I had about 3 kgs of grocery in hand at the time and swerved around to check if a burly looking man was stalking me. Nope, no such luck. Almost blurted out "I'll shove this ball up your arse if you call me uncle again".
*(a kid in the building. dont know his name so call him that)
Guess its harder than i though but am just going to have to live with it especially with unrelated people at the fag end of their lives asking "to beta, khush khabri kab suna rahe ho....."
I cant relate to the u:th of today.....with most going "i love ma laptop, ma car, ma ipod, ma mobile". Ma mobile? WTF is that? All i remember is pappu pager and munna mobile.
The kids in my building are unrelenting too. It first hit me when i was politely told by "running nose ramesh"* to return the cricket ball with a "Uncle can we have our ball back"? I had about 3 kgs of grocery in hand at the time and swerved around to check if a burly looking man was stalking me. Nope, no such luck. Almost blurted out "I'll shove this ball up your arse if you call me uncle again".
*(a kid in the building. dont know his name so call him that)
Guess its harder than i though but am just going to have to live with it especially with unrelated people at the fag end of their lives asking "to beta, khush khabri kab suna rahe ho....."
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Learning
throughout my school and college days I always though my teachers had vital qualities missing....like the passion to teach and a cerebrum. college did not change much mostly because i did not know what the inside of a classroom looked like enhanced by the fact that my Marketing professor could not speak English. MBA bought about a change in terms of the ignorant c**** wore a tie and spoke in a corporate lackey lingo which sounded like a chipmunk's mating call.
i was reborn when i stepped into the corporate world but soon found out that Learning (other than on the job necessities) was a myth.
now don't get me wrong, I ain't the kind of guy who has the hungry for learning or is self motivated. I could almost go through life whilst being stuck in the last layer of Maslow's pyramid. but Learning bought on effortlessly is always welcome. i recently joined a company who had the balls to earmark 1 day of the week dedicated to Learning irrespective of pressure from clients for delivery. the best part is they stick to it like a politician to power. it goes like this.....each week one team member prepares (research/study/analyze) a particular topic to present to the team. the topic may range from the existing methodologies in Usability Research/ Learning Solutions (that's what we do) to the feasibility of insurance for cats and dogs.
last week i was the butt of jokes when the lots were drawn and my name came up. you see the people i work with are very very competent and educated....their degrees definitely sound better than mine. the biggest problem was to start thinking again....i used to, till my potty training was complete.
But all said and done i held my own (i would like to think so) while presenting "History of Usability" to the esteemed audience.
I have a very strong feeling that no difficult questions we posed because all were aware that i cry easily under pressure........Let the Learning continue....
i was reborn when i stepped into the corporate world but soon found out that Learning (other than on the job necessities) was a myth.
now don't get me wrong, I ain't the kind of guy who has the hungry for learning or is self motivated. I could almost go through life whilst being stuck in the last layer of Maslow's pyramid. but Learning bought on effortlessly is always welcome. i recently joined a company who had the balls to earmark 1 day of the week dedicated to Learning irrespective of pressure from clients for delivery. the best part is they stick to it like a politician to power. it goes like this.....each week one team member prepares (research/study/analyze) a particular topic to present to the team. the topic may range from the existing methodologies in Usability Research/ Learning Solutions (that's what we do) to the feasibility of insurance for cats and dogs.
last week i was the butt of jokes when the lots were drawn and my name came up. you see the people i work with are very very competent and educated....their degrees definitely sound better than mine. the biggest problem was to start thinking again....i used to, till my potty training was complete.
But all said and done i held my own (i would like to think so) while presenting "History of Usability" to the esteemed audience.
I have a very strong feeling that no difficult questions we posed because all were aware that i cry easily under pressure........Let the Learning continue....
Shifting Base
October 2007
Followed by Megs and K's departure to the land of ignorance and opportunity we were at our first big crossroad since our marriage.
after days of grappling with the notion of leaving our cozy setup in Pune we took the plunge and started our trek towards the great city of Hyderabad. i had a new employer and shilpa a new boss. moving out of my previous job proved very eventful for all the wrong reason. a failed attempt to float our own company followed and proved to be the final nail in the coffin.
we arrived in Hyderabad full of anxiety like my first day of school (to be frank - all my school days) though it was not accompanied by shortness of breath, blackouts and sweating. we stayed at the Taj for 15 days which was a hoot. its like wiping your arse with silk. with the house hunting headache taken care of we shifted into our current residence under the guidance and supervision of a women who could shift houses blindfolded and with one hand tied behind her back - mom. we were good to go.
Followed by Megs and K's departure to the land of ignorance and opportunity we were at our first big crossroad since our marriage.
after days of grappling with the notion of leaving our cozy setup in Pune we took the plunge and started our trek towards the great city of Hyderabad. i had a new employer and shilpa a new boss. moving out of my previous job proved very eventful for all the wrong reason. a failed attempt to float our own company followed and proved to be the final nail in the coffin.
we arrived in Hyderabad full of anxiety like my first day of school (to be frank - all my school days) though it was not accompanied by shortness of breath, blackouts and sweating. we stayed at the Taj for 15 days which was a hoot. its like wiping your arse with silk. with the house hunting headache taken care of we shifted into our current residence under the guidance and supervision of a women who could shift houses blindfolded and with one hand tied behind her back - mom. we were good to go.
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