tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86496298944437947542024-03-13T23:13:13.980+05:30RagamuffinThe term ragamuffin is used to refer to a child clothed in shabby, ill-fitting or dirty clothes. More generally it can also be used as a pejorative term to refer to a ragged, disreputable person. It is also used as a term of endearment - for example, when people refer to children as "little ragamuffins".Satyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.comBlogger116125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-37252029350360413742011-07-15T11:40:00.005+05:302011-07-15T12:11:22.512+05:30ConversationsThe conversation described involved my mom and our cook. It just seemed to stand out from the rest of the mundane conversations we all have day in and day out.<br /><br />My mother and her friend of 15 years were over at our house the other day designing a workshop they had to deliver. The friend, lets call her Mau-- is an extremely sweet and rich Guju lady who has been in "transition" since I know her....i.e she is allowed to work, earn money and stay out of the house-- as long as she is back home to serve hot rotis to her husband every evening. She is very traditional will a hint of freedom on the horizon. You get the point. This is how it all went down.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Pushpa Tai (the cook)</span>: What do I make for dinner tonight? <br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Mom:</span> PT, please take a call. Am tired of telling you what to make on a daily basis.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">PT:</span> Ok. Will make something special for the kids (my wife and I) tonight. Any suggestions?<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Mom:</span> Ok, make Egg Curry for Satyajit and Karela for the Mrs. <br />The blood drained from Mau's face. She could not believe what she had heard and more importantly who said it. It was a betrayal Mau would not stand. My mom looked up and realised what was happening.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Mom:</span> ha ha. I know how it sounds but the Mrs is allergic to eggs and loves karela. If she had it her way she would have it everyday. <br /><br />Mau smiled and they went back to being friends again.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br /><br />More conversations <a href="http://cleanragamuffin.blogspot.com/2009/03/of-mice-and-women.html">here</a>Satyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-91223830069503422142011-06-24T15:01:00.005+05:302011-06-24T15:35:55.728+05:30What marriage doesA couple of friends and I went for a movie last night. All 3 of us are married and above the age of 30. The crowd at E-Square was young & hip with ghatis thrown in for taste. We were somewhere in between--- almost undecided which side we belonged to. Not sure we wanted to pick a side...we being above 30 AND married. <br /><br />As we waited outside the theater for the movie to start our eyes wandered at the pretty young things in the crowd. I noticed that when I found a target I would look at her from the time she was visible till she turned the corner or I lost interest or another PYT came along. All 3 of us followed this pattern.<br /><br />I remembered that when I am with the Mrs I do not look at other women for more than a couple of seconds. Don't get me wrong, its not out of fear of an ass kicking. It just does not <span style="font-weight:bold;">"seem right"</span>. When I told my friends they said its just the way one is oriented after being married. Its almost like an invisible checklist that need to be ticked when dealing with other women. We do not look at other women (for too long) not out of fear, but some sort of subconscious obligation to our spouses. And you know what the worse part is.....if I do stare at another woman when with the Mrs, I keep my glaze fixed on the Mrs for the next 5 mins to compensate.<br /><br />Such is life.Satyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-233897389526506912011-01-20T11:44:00.006+05:302011-01-20T12:13:32.476+05:30Ah....Dusk, my favorite time of day was upon us. The sunlight kissed the horizon ever so lightly. I stood in the balcony eagerly anticipating her arrival. The event was in the making for some time now. We set off as soon as she arrived on a path we had never taken together. Her eagerness, anticipation and excitement made it difficult for me to keep pace. Asking her to slow down would rain hell but I did anyway. <br /><br />We arrived at our destination after what seemed like a millennium for her. The cool breeze kissed my face, the chatter reminded me that this was a happy place and the love all around allowed me to breath freely. I searched for the point of this all and paraphrased Henry Thoreau - rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth. <br /><br />I set the process in motion and turned around to see her radiant face. The truth was right there staring at me with those doe eyes. The look on her face was the same Genghis would have had after conquering the world, the look that dude from Ghajini would have if he remembered minute details of his life or a man after his first sip of wine having crossing a desert. <br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />I smiled as she took her second bite of the Pani Puri.Satyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-25375643546638335432010-12-24T12:23:00.003+05:302010-12-24T13:15:45.460+05:30The year that was2010 has been surreal. The highlight of the year for me has to be starting my own consultancy. It was inevitable but everything else including family, friends etc took a back seat when it came to the company. Needless to say I learned a lot. More than I have in the 8 years of my working life. Made new friends, lost old ones, got stabbed in the back, cried, shouted, rejoiced and had a blast. I used my family whenever required and ignored them the rest of the time. They understand this and continue to be supportive. Also, the benchmarks set for the year seem to be achievable. <br /><br />4 months of bed rest due to broken bones and the pain compounded by the fact that the Mrs and I were in different cities. You really know who cares and who does not when you are bed-ridden. It helps separate the wheat from the chaff. I suggest you all try it once. I also have to get used to idea they I may never play football again. Guess, shit happens. <br /><br />The year also saw friends blessed with babies, people getting married and good friends leaving town. The year is ending on a happy note with the Mrs back in town, Dad doing well in his new venture, mom counselling and I a lot more calmer. Wonder how long that will last. Miss K and M but am happy knowing they are doing what they love. STUDYING. The Mrs also won a National Award and got a promotion. <br /><br />Resolution for 2011? Simple. Try and keep the company afloat and of course - get into shape.Satyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-61521127786573768222010-11-16T12:02:00.004+05:302010-11-16T12:37:25.600+05:30ChangeI often debate with friends/family/colleagues that the reason why service in India (any and every kind) sucks is due to the Demand Supply equation. In a country of more than a billion consumers we dont need after sales service or logic to run a business. This is of-course a short term strategy but Indians hardly ever look at anything long term. The "tu nahi to koi aur sahi" phase will last for at least 5 more years. The Demand is so high and well its hard to decide if Idea or Airtel is a bigger asshole that we go with what we have. This belief was put to the test on Diwali night.<br /><br />Post puja, dinner and the cracker session we we sitting and chatting. Folks, wife, a friend(JK) and I. The doorbell rang and the daughter of a neighbor told us her dad slipped in the house, cut himself and was bleeding profusely. We rushed to his house, bundled him in the car and rushed him to Joshi Hospital. The man was not yelling cause he was in shock but the amount of blood loss was insane. My kurta was soaked, dad had a bit on him, JK too, the driver and not to mention the floor of their house. We lay him down and the drama began. I had bitched about Joshi hospital <a href="http://cleanragamuffin.blogspot.com/2010/07/drink-to-my-bones.html">here</a> when I broke my leg. The man is on the hospital bed bleeding and the attendant who was an intern told me the doctor on call was out of town. I asked if he were out of town how could he be the doctor on call. Well, she repeated what she said earlier. The GP told her to talk to the plastic surgeon who told her to talk to an ortho who told her to talk to the doctor on call and ALL of them asked if he was a "Paying" patient. Finally after 35 mins I walked into her office and said " Madame, I am not trying to tell you how to do you job but it would be a good idea to stop the bleeding wont it". The lady got her act together and did arrest the bleeding. All the rooms were full at Joshi so after and hour or so we shifted him to Ratna Memorial Hospital. Everybody told me that its the same case at most hospitals. But the experience at Ratna was awesome. The doctor on call was there in 15 mins. Explained to us the further course of action and moved on. He or his staff never asked us if we were a paid patient btw. <br /><br />It struck me right there---the real reason we dont give customer service is because we dont give a FUCK. Apathy. As clear as day. I feel better already cause now I know I dont need to put my head through a wall to try and understand why service is not being delivered.Satyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-3333421911556428862010-10-16T11:17:00.004+05:302010-10-16T11:32:02.137+05:30ReactionsGood news is that I have started to wear a shoe on the left foot again. I still use a walker and limp but its progress. This development confuses the hell out of strangers. Before I started wearing the shoe the bandage on my foot was clearly visible and it was for all to see that I was injured. With the shoes on, all I get is sympathy and teary eyed looks. Couple of things about people on the street and strangers you meet.<br /><br />1) People on the street are always confused when they should step in to help and how. I was coming down the steps of a shop on a busy street a few days back. I wasn't struggling but was slow. This dude comes out of nowhere to lend a helping hand...I yelled "Dont touch me". Real loud for all to hear. He was too stunned to react. Hahaha....what a fun. Try it sometime. <br /><br />2) Strangers you meet ALWAYS want to know what happened. They just cant seem to let go. Its this irresistible urge to put a reason for the condition before starting a conversation. My move next time some asks me that is to say "Birth defect. I hate my parents for it". Will let you know how it turns out.Satyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-11005869256988005632010-07-13T15:47:00.008+05:302010-07-13T22:59:59.828+05:30Drink to my bonesWARNING: LONG POST<br /><br />The fact that a lot people use Facebook, Twitter, Blogs etc to confess their love for their nephews, nieces & children is finally getting to me. Facebook has the bad habit of displaying on my page what people throw up on theirs. "Pappu ate his first bogger today" or "My little one makes cute faces while taking a shit while my elder one makes castles of poo". Since I do not have a child and I would rather play catch with my nephew than upload his photographs, I have decided to tell you the story about my left leg which is way more important than all your children put together.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Summary:</span> Broke 2 bones above my left ankle while playing football. My parents and wife were not in town. I wasn't carrying my wallet or cellphone. It was a complex fracture. Had surgery. Have 2 steel plates and 14 screws in my leg now. Your 3 year old niece can beat me at the 100 mts. <br /><br />The point is, extended periods of inactivity slows time down. One can do nothing else except think. There are a lot of things that happened during this time and here goes the summary.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">1) The incident:</span> We are a bunch of unfit, slaves to the corporate world dudes who play football 1-2 times a week. When you play 5 a side games once or twice a week the process is as follows when it comes to on-field injuries :<br />a) Evaluate<br />b) Play doctor<br />c) Argue <br /><br />a) Evaluate: The first thing that you do is evaluate the injury. Not out of concern but to decide if we can roll this dude outta the ground and continue with the game. "Kya hua" and " Can you continue playing" are the questions I was asked. Also keep in mind if 1 guy drops out, you are playing 4 on 5 which isn't easy.<br /><br />b) Play doctor: Any footballer worth has salt will lie about most of the injuries he has had and claim to have extensive knowledge about sports injuries. He will also diagnose & give a solution to your injury. This is how the conversation went:<br />Me: Fk dude. Think I broke my leg<br />The Dr: No dude, its a dislocated ankle<br />Me: I know it man. I heard the snap<br />The Dr: Quit being a bitch. I have dislocated my ankle before. I can put it back in place.<br />Me (in total disbelief): Do you see the broken bone jutting outta my socks 4 inches above my ankle? Broken bones asshole<br />The Dr: I disagree. You are in pain and cannot think straight<br />My advise is to stay the hell away from the on-field doctor.<br /><br />c) Argue: After the diagnosis is labeled serious the arguments started. Mode of transport, how should I be picked up and what doctor/hospital to go to. Everyone claimed to have the best knowledge about everything. <br /><br />All in all the 3 steps turn out to be a dick measurement exercise amongst those present. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">2) The Hospital:</span> After much argument and yelling I was bundled into an auto and we went to Joshi Hospital. This place is the stuff nightmares are made of. 7 footballers, my broken foot and I enter the hospital. I was put on a stretcher while a friend carefully removed my football shoes. The ward boys from hell came to rip my socks off when I politely requested them to cut the socks rather than rip it off and permanently damage my leg. They concurred. Then right outta the movies I was stretched off to the X-ray room hitting every corner and door on the way there. The ward-boy promptly taps me on my injured leg to tell me to move onto the X-ray table. <br /><br />The attendant was a cock-eyed, salivating slob who had been pushed around all his life. All 8 of us took an instant disliking for his. He kept telling me that surgery was required and that I should get admitted. We did not trust him and I decided to call someone else I knew. The clincher is....The slob refused to give me a painkiller till I agreed to get admitted in the hospital. I did not. He also made me write and sign a note saying I left the hospital of my own free will. He also yelled at me for the bad handwriting---I wrote the note while on a stretcher, facing up, with no support for the paper and 2 broken bones. Some people<br /><br />Overall it was an insane experience. What happened after I shifted into Kelkar hospital is like a dream. The friendly professional doctors, the morphine like painkiller shots and the 2 people holding me down while the doctor put on a temporary cast makes me laugh now. Am on the way to recovery...<br /><br />Note:<br />- Broken bones do not hurt as much as I thought<br />- My ass still hurts from the 10 injections I had to take <br />- I have not put on any weight<br />- Thank the guys who helped me out<br />- Thanks to a friend....she know who she isSatyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-1794815421496998752010-05-19T20:43:00.005+05:302010-05-19T20:53:19.643+05:30Steve Jobs and Bill Gates<span style="font-style:italic;">(click on image for larger view)</span><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_e8x82xqhA-s/S_QB9KvAtcI/AAAAAAAADRA/RvZ2ypM0IxI/s1600/jobs-vs-gates-virgins.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 209px; height: 400px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_e8x82xqhA-s/S_QB9KvAtcI/AAAAAAAADRA/RvZ2ypM0IxI/s400/jobs-vs-gates-virgins.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5473001597527176642" /></a>Satyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-52628387456138241102010-02-22T11:21:00.002+05:302010-02-22T11:53:16.234+05:30The OthersI love messing around with peoples belief systems. I love to observe people react when the house of cards that their belief systems were come crashing down. Acting like a sociopath and saying things even though you know they are politically incorrect/wrong makes people very uncomfortable. I love it. Try the following:<br /><br />1) Say honestly is bullshit, that virtue hold no water- to an old timer. Especially a Gandhian.<br />2) To a feminist/any human being: Rape is so overrated. Women should grow up a bit.<br /><br />You get the picture.<br /><br />The following incidence actually happened. Its not as crazy as the statements above but it was fun: <br /><br />A friend of mine, lets call him Ajax came over to my house on Saturday and we decided to step out for dinner. Ajax is a Muslim (very important to mention this) born and brought up in Pune, knows Pune and its people very well and speaks flawless Marathi. We go to this little joint on JM road in Pune. We are sitting indoors and get down to taking shit and discussing how cruel the world has been to us etc. We are surrounded by 3 tables, all full of Maharashtrian families and teenagers. Now I am not a racist but I stereotype. The place is bumping with "typical" Hindu Maharastrians. The ones who talk in English with a Marathi accent, love cricket, hate football and go out on saturday night not cause they want to but because its part of the routine. Now for those who have not stayed in Pune its a bit difficult to understand this stereotype so I suggest you stop reading this. The rest....go on.<br /><br />The place is lively with people chatting and waiters running about. Ajax and I are in the middle of our conversation when his phone rings. Its his friend from "that" part of the city. Ajax picks up the phone and says "Salam Alekum". Dayam, the joint turned into a Chinese Whisper game in an instance with all eyes looking at us as though we were child rapists who got away on a faulty warrant. I nearly choked on my food and started snickering. The place was never the same again. We were outsides. We did not belong. I could not let go of this opportunity. <br /><br />We paid the bill and were about to leave when I get up from the table and let out a loud "Allah hu Akbar". The expressions were priceless post that. We could not stay long as we were laughing our asses off.Satyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-64869568647365083282010-02-19T10:28:00.005+05:302010-02-19T11:09:55.377+05:30364 days without a smokeIts been 364 days since I quit smoking....still miss it. I have been told that 95%* of people who quit smoking restart within a year. Guess that is my first top 5% percentile rank in a loooong time.<br /><br />Its been hard but not as hard as some say it is. Tons of things have happened over the past year. Stuff of joy, sadness, disappointment and excitement. All emotions attracted me towards my trusted friend but I guess I kept my "dark passenger" at bay.<br />Don't ask me the secret cause there is none. You either do it or you don't. <br /><br />Wanted to thank all those who supported this endeavour and to those who tempted me to start again - hope all your kids are born deformed :-P<br /><br />Next target......regular exercise.<br /><br />*95% - information provided by Puma. If untrue, take it up with himSatyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-72517281366795828262010-02-10T15:31:00.007+05:302010-02-11T10:33:20.964+05:30Rahul Ji v/s HitlerMy first attempt at making a spoof video. This is from the famous stable of Hitler videos. This is a take on when Rahul Gandhi visited Mumbai. Enjoy.<br /><br /><object width="402" height="377"><param name="movie" value="http://www.overstream.net/swf/player/oplx?oid=m5e5eka8lzti&noplay=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.overstream.net/swf/player/oplx?oid=m5e5eka8lzti&noplay=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="402" height="377" allowFullScreen="true"></embed></object><br /><br />Wanted to thank Ashim for being very patient & helpful, Sandeep for directing me towards the necessary software & Saad for the encouragement and tweeting the post.<br /><br />I received feedback that some of the references and terms used in the video were confusing. Based on the feedback, here are the explanations:<br /><br />1) Hello Kitty - is a fictional character produced by the Japanese company Sanrio. Was introduced in Japan in 1974 and brought to the United States in 1976.<br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_e8x82xqhA-s/S3OPBYZoDGI/AAAAAAAADNk/OjetwxTxtJE/s1600-h/hello_kitty.gif"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_e8x82xqhA-s/S3OPBYZoDGI/AAAAAAAADNk/OjetwxTxtJE/s400/hello_kitty.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5436846429058894946" /></a><br /><br />2) Cracker - an abusive or slang term for a white person. Cracker- White, dry and tasteless.<br /><br />3) Albino - albinos lack melanin and are white with no markings and with unpigmented pink eyes. The condition in which the skin looses pigmentation and turns white<br /><br />4) Veni, vidi, vici (Latin)- written by Julius Caesar in 47 BC which translates as "I came, I saw, I conquered".<br /><br />5) Hermaphrodite- a hermaphrodite is an animal or plant that has both male and female reproductive organs <br /><br />6) Italian Stallion - An erotic film starring Sylvester Stallone, originally titled Party at Kitty and Stud's. It also refers to Rahul Baba's Italian heritage.<br /><br />7) 3G - refers to the 3 Gandhis- Rahul, Priyanka and Sonia. Also 3G spectrum<br /><br />8) 666 - In Christianity the number 666 represents the number of the beast. The devil.Satyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-64258077110488469512010-02-09T10:07:00.003+05:302010-02-09T12:56:03.110+05:30The serial killer in meOn Indian roads people are scrambling towards their destination as though the apocalypse was around the next bend. Riding on these roads sometimes reminds me of being a baby, when you are tightly wrapped in a cloth so you feel secure. The difference being that while the baby has the luxury of comfort, standing in a mass of people at a traffic jam is close enough for you to catch Herpes from the dude next to you.<br /><br />Was approaching a traffic signal this morning on the Bullet. The road was infested with traffic like a homeless woman's hair is with lice. The display above the signal read 8 (seconds). I had about 20 meters to cover to beat the light. I knew I could make it....easy as pie. Horns were going off like crazy, rage surrounded us and people were accustomed to the fact that a couple us would not come out alive on the other side of the signal. The car in front of me stops abruptly & boxed me in. I missed the green light.<br /> <br />I was dumbstruck. I felt violated, sad, angry. I was in denial. I felt like I was shown the promise land and then told "That's what you cant have". I felt betrayed. I felt like I had wiped my sick uncle's ass for 5 years and he left all the inheritance to my evil twin instead. Denial soon turned to rage. I was grinding my teeth, broke into a cold sweat and wanted to bleed the guy in the stalled car dry. Its like I was possessed. I blocked out thoughts of family, friends, the law, society, justice and morals. All I wanted to do is kill the guy in the car. I was in the twilight zone, intoxicated and excited. Thankfully I snapped outta it in under a couple of seconds, calmed down and moved on.<br /><br />I wonder and hope that it remains at a couple of seconds.<br /><br /><em>(need to stop watching Dexter)</em>Satyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-2639353674664068272010-02-01T16:00:00.004+05:302010-02-01T16:38:12.244+05:30ConversationsWith the BJP backing RSS stand on north Indians in Mumbai (<a href="http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/BJP-backs-RSS-stand-on-north-Indians/articleshow/5523698.cms">Read here</a>), this may be the BJP/RSS-Shiv Sena future. <br /><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_e8x82xqhA-s/S2atcEDrGyI/AAAAAAAADMo/kYwd5PCdbyU/s1600-h/tumblr_kw020aVBIm1qzfebyo1_500.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 257px; height: 400px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_e8x82xqhA-s/S2atcEDrGyI/AAAAAAAADMo/kYwd5PCdbyU/s400/tumblr_kw020aVBIm1qzfebyo1_500.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433220698106174242" /></a><br /><br /><em>Click to enlarge</em>Satyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-2649571197361299622010-01-01T19:19:00.003+05:302010-01-01T19:35:53.456+05:30New year resolutions 2010It's a new year bitches. I was going through the resolution list I made last year and surprised myself. Given below are the promises made, what I actually meant followed by the 2009 performance. <a href="http://cleanragamuffin.blogspot.com/2009/01/new-year-resolutions.html">Last year's resolution post</a><br /><br />1) Quit smoking<br />1) Stick to 10 a day <br /><em><strong>I have quit smoking. Been clean for 311 days.</strong></em><br /><br />2) Hit the gym<br />2) Climb a flight of stairs once a week<br /><em><strong>Was jogging for 2 months followed by football. Stopped. Have to restart.</strong></em><br /><br />3) Stay in touch with relatives <br />3) Make my wife SMS them once a month<br /><em><strong>I actually took the effort to attend all family reunions and found out I have a lot in common with my cousins. Will keep in touch.</strong></em><br /><br />4) Be a concerned citizen<br />4) More dinner table conversations about improving the country<br /><em><strong>Nothing has changed. I pay my taxes on time....if that counts.</strong></em><br /><br />5) Be the best husband ever<br />5) Keep the toilet seat down after taking a leak<br /><em><strong>My wife seems to think so :-)</strong></em><br /><br />6) No road rage<br />6) Gallis in English only<br /><em><strong>A little calmer on the road. A little.</strong></em><br /><br />7) A vacation outside India<br />7) A vacation outside India<br /><em><strong>Singapore. Not a vacation though.</strong></em><br /><br />Not made my list for 2010 yet but have a couple of pointers from the Mrs already.Satyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-9132425894382638292009-12-21T21:41:00.003+05:302009-12-21T22:57:40.604+05:30Sari manJust got back from a trip to Udaipur. We visited the sari section of the Hathipol market. We were in a small gali where all these shops were at and entered one of them. I stood outside killing time while the Mrs was being show the collection by a 30 something dude. I looked at him and it struck me. This dude deals exclusively with women for a living. What must that be like? <br /><br />I found out he was married and thought that his job would either make him a doting husband or a wife beating psychopath (given that he takes shit from women all day). But when you really get down to it, being a sari salesman is a highly skilled job. Why? Because you need to UNDERSTAND women. He has to be patient because its crazy the amount of saris a single lady will go through before making up her mind. He need to be approachable and cannot letch. He needs to engage, entertain, assess, understand and sell a product he has never used. <br /><br />He also told me that that he has to show an average of 65 saris before a women makes up her mind and this number may go up to 90. My wife being a quick shopper went through only 22 before picking up her sari.<br /><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_e8x82xqhA-s/Sy-v3rD7p4I/AAAAAAAADK4/dnltELUrnsc/s1600-h/IMG_2819.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_e8x82xqhA-s/Sy-v3rD7p4I/AAAAAAAADK4/dnltELUrnsc/s400/IMG_2819.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5417742247736878978" /></a>Satyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-81453982312228746792009-12-06T10:51:00.007+05:302009-12-06T11:30:44.161+05:30Tiger Tiger burning brightCould not help myself:<br /><br />The higest selling womens t-shirt in Florida:<br /><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_e8x82xqhA-s/SxtDZx71LbI/AAAAAAAADKM/RkZUX4kMipE/s1600-h/Got-Wood-large.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 350px; height: 318px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_e8x82xqhA-s/SxtDZx71LbI/AAAAAAAADKM/RkZUX4kMipE/s400/Got-Wood-large.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5411993487395859890" /></a><br /><br />....and then there were the comments<br /><br />"Speaking from West Point, NY, the President announced he will send 30,000 additional troops to Afghanistan over the next six months and 2,000 additional troops to Tiger Woods's mansion in Orlando. Peacekeeping forces." –Jimmy Kimmel<br /><br />Tiger Wood's wife Elin Nordegren has agreed to appear on " Larry King Live " to apologize for the brutal beating she gave her husband last week . " You know Larry, under this blonde hair, white skin, and make-up, I'm really just another Chris Brown . "<br /><br />What does Tiger have in common with a baby seal? They’ve both been clubbed by a Norwegian.<br /><br />Tiger is no different from most of the guys I know. His car is a wreck, he is off work, his wife hates him, and he has sudden, unexpected, family expenses to deal with.<br /><br />AGAIN, cant help meself<br /><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_e8x82xqhA-s/SxtIYtEEuQI/AAAAAAAADKU/rQXxgX1g1xU/s1600-h/onldat.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_e8x82xqhA-s/SxtIYtEEuQI/AAAAAAAADKU/rQXxgX1g1xU/s400/onldat.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5411998966466525442" /></a>Satyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-78358884295432800312009-11-28T21:07:00.001+05:302009-11-28T21:09:54.930+05:30Guest writer<em>---After a year of procrastinating, my friend Puma has finally put his thoughts on paper. The post below is his take/reaction/thoughts on my previous post (THAT time of year)---</em><br /><br />You know I agree with what SATYA says about this whole 26/11 (twenty Six Eleven) NAME Calling and how its become some sort of a sordid reminder of what happened...I should know cuz I once forgot my wive's b`day. The doc who treated me said the scars run much deeper now.<br /><br />Humans as a species don’t like to remember the unfortunate things in life. I for one have a very happy life cuz I have a very bad memory. Enemies are now my best friends and ex lovers are well still ex (they just won’t pick up my calls, don’t know what’s up with that)<br /><br />Though I feel that at the end of the day it’ll just be a date and nothing else... this country has wayyy too many people in here to worry bout. It’s that "GUY IN FRONT OF ME RATHER THAN I" kinda thinking.<br /><br />I saw that entire blood bath on TV too but like Satya I didn’t mix it with pakodas and tea. I remember ordering Chinese from a guy on a hand cart, completely fucked my stomach, had the worst diarrhea ever and that’s another reason I won’t forget that fateful day. But leaving my bullshit aside I think it takes a lot to willingly enter a building full of people who’re ready to die as against YOU who wants to LIVE.<br /><br />If it takes people to see it on live TV, EVEN BETTER. People are immune to reading about death/rape/carnage/molestation in BLACK AND WHITE every morning with their eggs and toast. This is going to sound a lot worse than I mean BUT THINGS LIKE THIS SHOULD BE TELEACST LIVE ALWAYS. Show a rapist being chewed by rabids and I guarantee you’ll see a drop in the act, telecast a murderer swinging from the gallows and you’ll just have to be “SERIAL KILLER CRAZY” to pick up a knife. <br /><br />We are a DEMOCRACY and a country willing to fight to save a life no matter how many more we add to it every sec. We should make these atrocities even more visible EVEN if it takes you spilling your dinner out from the wrong end. We’ll continue to fight or write about them and people will take a bullet for you and me CUZ THIS ISNT FKIN SOMALIA YET OR PAKISTAN (which is one and the same)<br /><br />I know I can’t take a bullet for someone but I did get into lots of fights for lots of people and got the shit kicked outta me too. In no way am I comparing myself to any of the heroes that day or the people who got killed were similar to me taking a beating... its just that in the twisted reasoning of terrorism and killings this date like so many of our personal misfortunes will get embedded far deeper than the shallow scars of bullet marks and shattered glass.Satyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-63574017268754198452009-11-26T11:55:00.003+05:302009-11-26T12:30:52.470+05:30THAT time of yearIt is THAT time of the year again. Yea, THAT time. We do not experience it often, but India has 2 days a year where our patriotism reaches the zenith, we constantly say “fuck Pakistan ya” and Jayanti Natrajan yells louder than Pavarotti in concert. The days in question are of course 26th January and 15th August. These being public holidays also help. <br /><br />But this year we have a new and improved day to get emotional, sensitive and patriotic. Its called 26/11. It’s this day last year when 10 young men from the lost world of Atlantis breached our water tight security and slaughtered more than 170 people in our country’s financial capital. The reason generations will cherish 26/11 more than the other 2 days is for the simple reason that we saw it live on TV with chai, pakodas and the Rakhi Sawant of news- Barkha Dutt as accompaniments. Also, the scale of operation was huge and most importantly the people killed were rich and important. Candle manufacturings were having a ball with all the power cuts but with candle light vigils to mark this day…oh what a fun. We were all shocked at the way things unfolded and are still waiting for the movie to release so we can “truly” understand what happened. I personally hope 26/11 becomes what the 4th of July weekend is to the USA—i.e the first weekend of July is a 3-day weekend. <br /><br />So what has changed 1 year down the line?<br />1) Maharashtra has re-elected the same government ruling at the time of 26/11<br />2) The people of India have re-elected the same government at the national level ruling at the time of 26/11<br />3) MNS the “outsider” hater disappeared while outsiders were killing innocent people in Mumbai but won 13 seats in the next elections<br />4) Kasab is safe, has put on weight and has been treated for all his ailments by Mumbai based doctors at the cost of Rs. 31 Crores <a href="http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Cost-of-keeping-Kasab-alive-Rs-31-crore-and-counting/articleshow/5269730.cms">(TOI)</a> <br />5) Clusterfucked Pakistan still can’t make up their mind and come out of the closet<br />6) India still feels that if you ignore your problems long enough they will go away. <br /><br />To all those who perished and to those who were left behind after 26/11- sorry about what happened. Like they say….Karma is a bitch. That’s the best I can offer. No one will help you. Help yourself. <br /><br /><a href="http://cleanragamuffin.blogspot.com/2008/12/mumbai-burning-let-games-begin.html">Last post on 26/11</a>Satyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-15439972416603178532009-11-17T09:22:00.002+05:302009-11-17T09:29:11.560+05:30LifeBack after a break of sorts.<br /><br />Life:<br />Observations, lies and conversations<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">I want my woman to be independent:</span><br />I want my woman to earn at least 30% lesser than what I do and be moderately successful. She also has to quit working after we have a kid.<br /> <span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />Am taking a sabbatical:</span><br />I quit my job and am in the process of finding another one. In the meantime pls pls pls don't judge me. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">I want to become the CMO/Brand Manager/ Large peice of dung in the next 10 yrs:</span><br />I know for the longest time that I am a laid back guy but the people around me tell me otherwise. So I reciprocate saying, I am ambitious.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trying to quit man. I will, I promise:</span><br />Shut the fuck up. Just because you quit you act holier than thou. Recollect those days when you rummaged through the ashtray for leftovers when you ran out of cigarettes. <br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />Boyfriend:</span> I have never watched porn:<br />He is lying.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Girlfriend:</span> I have never felt this way about any one before:<br />She is lying.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">I love Hockey:</span><br />Dyanchand is still playing isn't he? <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">I hate that biach Rakhi Sawant:</span><br />I love her. She is the reason reality television exists in India. Love them curves too.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">The Effiel Tower looks stunning at night:</span><br />Been to Europe. Have you?<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />People with kids</span>----other humans DO NOT find your kids as cute as you do. Your instinct makes you blind to the fact that your kids can be perceived as runts <br />and things others want to hit. "Beta, go to uncle" is something you should refrain from".<br /><br />I am 30 and cannot make new friends. <br /><br />Last week I wore a suit to this dinner and was asked to skip the security check and wished 3 times. All others without suits were being frisked. Well I don't<br />quite blame them cause most of the assholes who cause trouble when frisked wear suits.Satyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-47505278053852722482009-08-26T12:10:00.004+05:302009-08-26T12:41:30.080+05:30LiberalImposing ones views, thoughts, religion etc on others is natural human tendency. It leads to profit. May not be the monetary kind but psychological, sexual etc. <br /><br />Liberal for me is live and let die. I do not mean apathy be your biggest virtue but to each his/her own suits me fine. My family is very liberal by Indian standards. Dont get me wrong, they had their limits set but are very flexible compared to most humans I came across. I was visiting home sometime back and met my family and some of my wife's family. 2 conversations worth mentioning during one the umpteen gatherings.<br /><br />1) I have always been "appreciated" by all for helping my wife around the house. I cannot cook to save my life but make wicked rotis when the maid does not turn up. I also make tea, buy vegetables, get the maids to work, clean the house occasionally etc. This "helping" aspect is somehow worth mentioning (by the family) every time we meet. It used to get my goat by my wife told me to let it go cause its something familys discuss. During my last visit when the helping thing came up a cousin of my wife interrupted with:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">"Why are we mentioning this all over again? Isn't he SUPPOSED to do the house work? The very fact we mention it makes it special? <br /><span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br />For all the liberal thinkers who LET their daughters work, marry the men of their choice and not give sermons on birth control, it is somehow impossible to imagine men doing house hold work. Hardwired into our DNA is the bhartiya sanskriti which does not allow us to stop thinking about this. I looked across the room to thank the cousin and she smiled back. <br /><br />2) People were discussing marriage. Long lost friends, cousins, foes etc. Do you remember she married that businessman who went under, he married that women with the drinking problem etc. This was working better for me that the sedative I took until 1 statement woke me up.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">"Hey, you remember that 2nd cousin who married that women, Mary? They are so happy together even though she is a Christian". <span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span><br /><br />It came out so naturally that all the aunties and uncles around nodded in approval. The bias had surfaced and gone under in a matter of 5 seconds.Satyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-61319822920870660772009-07-17T09:54:00.002+05:302009-07-17T10:53:19.805+05:30WTFness for the dayStory 1:<br />There is a law where a "dalit" women who is raped will be compensated Rs 50,000. The idea is, we cant give you justice but here is money. The Beatles wrote "Can buy me love" for good reason. Maybe they should have included dignity, time, trauma in there too. There is WTFness at so many levels.<br />1. Only dalit women are alloted funds after rape. Rest of the women can take a hike.<br />2. Counselling & justice...nope. Money yes.<br />3. Why are my taxes being spent on a loosing cause?<br /><br />I can imagine a dalit rape scam breaking out.<br /><br />Couples have sex...women accuses him of rape....gets paid....pays and cops and get the man out of jail.....the cycle continues....they live happily ever after. Couples will start early in life. I wont be surprised if this move is touted as a conspiracy against out health minister who say have kids after 30.<br /><span style="font-style:italic;"><br />"The rules prescribe that in the case of rape, the Dalit victim is entitled to compensation of Rs 50,000 with the proviso that 50% of that sum should be paid immediately after her medical examination and the balance at the conclusion of the trial. Mayawati is not to blame for these meager amounts; it is the failure of the Centre to update the rules".</span> <br /><br />Story 2: TOI-Hyderabad-17th July, 2009<br />The chief minister of Andhra in Dec 2006 had announced in the lobby of the state assembly that the state would bring about a legislation that would make HIV screening compulsory for couples to wed in the state. Come 2009 and the "announcement" was not implemented. Its the thought that counts you know. Meanwhile, since 2007, almost 3,000 women tested positive within six months to one year of getting married. <br /><br />The reason for not implementing?<br /><br />The proposal got shelved because of opposition from human rights groups who contended that it would cast aspersions on the character of the couple. Wow "cast aspersions". I wonder given a choice what the 3000 infected women would choose:<br />a. People being rude to your to be husbands<br />b. Being HIV positive. <br />Common sense in the government it seems is like the Lochness monster. Everyones heard of it...no one's seen it.Satyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-74209709443504414842009-07-03T09:57:00.004+05:302009-07-03T11:08:51.100+05:30377/69= decriminalized homosexualityHomosexuality refers to sexual attraction or sexual behavior between people of the same sex, or to a sexual orientation...<br />India has finally stepped out of the closet (legally) by decrimilizing homosexuality. The Delhi High Court effectively decriminalized homosexuality. As of today, it is no longer illegal to be gay in India. Yipee...<br /><br />Does this mean that gay and lesbians will be <br />1. treated equal<br />2. not frowned on<br />3. not busted by the cops<br />4. looked upon as abnormal and<br />5. seen as people against our "culture"?<br />That my friend is evolution, which takes thousands of years. For now let's the just stick to decriminalized it and take it from there. My generation NEVER spoke about sex at home. Homosexuality was an unknown concept and the first time I heard it I went...."but why? who can like men (except women) when women are so attractive". Anyway <br /><br />The religious bandwagon has already opposed the move which they see as being against god's will. Am particularly amused at the stand the church has taken on abolishing Sec 377.....hahah. What a farce. I can imagine 2 priest chatting up:<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Priest 1: WTF is with this government. Now anyone can be a homosexual and get away with it. This move takes away our special privileges. <br /><br />Priest 2: Dont get your panties in a bunch. We can rape minors and get away with it. So we still rule. Maybe baba ramdev can make a medicine to cure this disease.</span><br /><br />Terms for homosexuals/lesbians in popular culture:<br />Homo, gay, fag, queer, faggot, dykes, fairy, flame, putt from the rough, poff, corn holing, butt pirate, fudge packer, fruit, brokeback etc etcSatyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-68757422000819273872009-06-26T08:42:00.004+05:302009-06-26T08:45:40.498+05:30MJ<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_e8x82xqhA-s/SkQ828GXOfI/AAAAAAAACeI/2bq0IWyxl5w/s1600-h/michael-jackson+(1).jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 359px; height: 356px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_e8x82xqhA-s/SkQ828GXOfI/AAAAAAAACeI/2bq0IWyxl5w/s400/michael-jackson+(1).jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351469171766409714" /></a><br /><br />Loved what you did before the turn of the century.<br /><br />Goodbye you freak. The craziness quotient of the world just went down. PEACESatyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-18198366719974922962009-06-05T11:04:00.010+05:302009-06-05T12:46:04.550+05:30The anal probe called iPhoneI know this post is real late, cliche and already written a thousand times...so fuck you too.<br /><br />The "i" in the iPhone actually stands for IDIOT. Let me explain what an idiot means using a scale. This is so, all iPhone using idiots can understand who they are.<br /><br />Intelligence Quotient (IQ) Scale:<br />70-100 - Americans<br />50-69 - George W Bush Jr.<br />30-49 - Moron<br />less than 30 - IDIOT<br /><br />Here is a pictorial representation of what an IDIOT is. <br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_e8x82xqhA-s/Siiw27Ip__I/AAAAAAAACYM/47cOW9Zeawc/s1600-h/idiot-41423.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 278px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_e8x82xqhA-s/Siiw27Ip__I/AAAAAAAACYM/47cOW9Zeawc/s400/idiot-41423.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5343715415508516850" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">courtesy: urban dictionary</span><br /><br />I am sick of these i-phones using wankers sticking their fingers up each others asses cause the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sith">Sith Lord</a> Steve Jobs told them to. Steve Jobs should actually be called Hand Jobs cause that's what he is handing out to the customer, along with TONS if bullshit. On a positive note...Steve Jobs is dying.....slowly.<br />All these i-phone using idiots are so high on the "feel good", "revolutionary" technology that they take the buzz outta weed and feel Bambi may visit them any second. <br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_e8x82xqhA-s/SijGE5RNMgI/AAAAAAAACYk/rJPJJ0SN3gA/s1600-h/squirrel_sith_lightning.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 379px; height: 268px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_e8x82xqhA-s/SijGE5RNMgI/AAAAAAAACYk/rJPJJ0SN3gA/s400/squirrel_sith_lightning.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5343738745269858818" /></a><br /><br />The iPhone in India is currently available in 2 varieties - 8 and 16 GB. <br />Nokia rules. It let's me do everything an iPhone does not and a lot more. Let's compare a few features of my Nokia E63 with a 16 GB i-phone. <br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_e8x82xqhA-s/Sii7RGP_A5I/AAAAAAAACYc/60ZcpWgtKVA/s1600-h/Picture2.png"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 304px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_e8x82xqhA-s/Sii7RGP_A5I/AAAAAAAACYc/60ZcpWgtKVA/s400/Picture2.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5343726860284920722" /></a><br /><br />I pay 1/3rd the price for a better product. I got the same camera as the iPhone does and making a call is so much simpler. I am no designer or expert in this field. But I will tell you what I am an expert at----identifying bullshit, and I could smell Apple's shit a light year away. <br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">"My shit dont stink"</span><br /> - Steve Jobs, Apple<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">WRONG</span>Satyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8649629894443794754.post-25813888862516092192009-06-02T09:29:00.005+05:302009-06-02T10:10:36.181+05:30Marathi Manoos Maahan sue AustraliaIn a move that stunned humans over an IQ of 83, the Marathi Manoos Maahan (3M) party has moved the courts over the happenings in Australia. "That ain't fair mate"- said the 3M spokesman with a hint of pun. He is the same bloke who gave <a href="http://cleanragamuffin.blogspot.com/search/label/Marathi%20Manoos">this interview</a> sometime back.<br /><br />This time around this is what the 3M spokesman had to say. <br /><br />Correspondent: What is your reaction to all this? <br />3M: We have take the Australian government to task and will take this case to the Supreme court if necessary. Who does this <a href="http://www.pm.gov.au/">narcissist</a> Kevin Rudd think he is? How can he treat us Indians like this? Priety Zinta showered her love on Brett Lee as if he was Bhaskar Lele and this is what we get in return? Australians are behaving like the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Convictism_in_Australia">convicts</a> they really are. When asked if this would turn into a violent protest in Maharashtra where state property will be set on fire the answer was an affirmative. This is how we will show we care. <br /><br />Correspondent: Is this move politically motivated?<br />3M: WTF are you taking about?<br /><br />Correspondent: Well, taking the Aussie govt to court over attacks on Indians is an excellent move to project yourself as a party ready to fight elections at a national level.<br />3M: Bhayaji, I dont know what you are taking about? Which people? What national party? <br />We are taking the Aussies to court over copying our business model. We started the trend of throwing out "outsides" and these goras just picked up the same model and used it shamelessly. We have a patent on this model for crying out loud. If these cheater-cocks think they can get away with shit like this, they are in for something else......Satyajithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10408446351834016022noreply@blogger.com0