It is THAT time of the year again. Yea, THAT time. We do not experience it often, but India has 2 days a year where our patriotism reaches the zenith, we constantly say “fuck Pakistan ya” and Jayanti Natrajan yells louder than Pavarotti in concert. The days in question are of course 26th January and 15th August. These being public holidays also help.
But this year we have a new and improved day to get emotional, sensitive and patriotic. Its called 26/11. It’s this day last year when 10 young men from the lost world of Atlantis breached our water tight security and slaughtered more than 170 people in our country’s financial capital. The reason generations will cherish 26/11 more than the other 2 days is for the simple reason that we saw it live on TV with chai, pakodas and the Rakhi Sawant of news- Barkha Dutt as accompaniments. Also, the scale of operation was huge and most importantly the people killed were rich and important. Candle manufacturings were having a ball with all the power cuts but with candle light vigils to mark this day…oh what a fun. We were all shocked at the way things unfolded and are still waiting for the movie to release so we can “truly” understand what happened. I personally hope 26/11 becomes what the 4th of July weekend is to the USA—i.e the first weekend of July is a 3-day weekend.
So what has changed 1 year down the line?
1) Maharashtra has re-elected the same government ruling at the time of 26/11
2) The people of India have re-elected the same government at the national level ruling at the time of 26/11
3) MNS the “outsider” hater disappeared while outsiders were killing innocent people in Mumbai but won 13 seats in the next elections
4) Kasab is safe, has put on weight and has been treated for all his ailments by Mumbai based doctors at the cost of Rs. 31 Crores (TOI)
5) Clusterfucked Pakistan still can’t make up their mind and come out of the closet
6) India still feels that if you ignore your problems long enough they will go away.
To all those who perished and to those who were left behind after 26/11- sorry about what happened. Like they say….Karma is a bitch. That’s the best I can offer. No one will help you. Help yourself.
Last post on 26/11
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Life
Back after a break of sorts.
Life:
Observations, lies and conversations
I want my woman to be independent:
I want my woman to earn at least 30% lesser than what I do and be moderately successful. She also has to quit working after we have a kid.
Am taking a sabbatical:
I quit my job and am in the process of finding another one. In the meantime pls pls pls don't judge me.
I want to become the CMO/Brand Manager/ Large peice of dung in the next 10 yrs:
I know for the longest time that I am a laid back guy but the people around me tell me otherwise. So I reciprocate saying, I am ambitious.
Trying to quit man. I will, I promise:
Shut the fuck up. Just because you quit you act holier than thou. Recollect those days when you rummaged through the ashtray for leftovers when you ran out of cigarettes.
Boyfriend: I have never watched porn:
He is lying.
Girlfriend: I have never felt this way about any one before:
She is lying.
I love Hockey:
Dyanchand is still playing isn't he?
I hate that biach Rakhi Sawant:
I love her. She is the reason reality television exists in India. Love them curves too.
The Effiel Tower looks stunning at night:
Been to Europe. Have you?
People with kids----other humans DO NOT find your kids as cute as you do. Your instinct makes you blind to the fact that your kids can be perceived as runts
and things others want to hit. "Beta, go to uncle" is something you should refrain from".
I am 30 and cannot make new friends.
Last week I wore a suit to this dinner and was asked to skip the security check and wished 3 times. All others without suits were being frisked. Well I don't
quite blame them cause most of the assholes who cause trouble when frisked wear suits.
Life:
Observations, lies and conversations
I want my woman to be independent:
I want my woman to earn at least 30% lesser than what I do and be moderately successful. She also has to quit working after we have a kid.
Am taking a sabbatical:
I quit my job and am in the process of finding another one. In the meantime pls pls pls don't judge me.
I want to become the CMO/Brand Manager/ Large peice of dung in the next 10 yrs:
I know for the longest time that I am a laid back guy but the people around me tell me otherwise. So I reciprocate saying, I am ambitious.
Trying to quit man. I will, I promise:
Shut the fuck up. Just because you quit you act holier than thou. Recollect those days when you rummaged through the ashtray for leftovers when you ran out of cigarettes.
Boyfriend: I have never watched porn:
He is lying.
Girlfriend: I have never felt this way about any one before:
She is lying.
I love Hockey:
Dyanchand is still playing isn't he?
I hate that biach Rakhi Sawant:
I love her. She is the reason reality television exists in India. Love them curves too.
The Effiel Tower looks stunning at night:
Been to Europe. Have you?
People with kids----other humans DO NOT find your kids as cute as you do. Your instinct makes you blind to the fact that your kids can be perceived as runts
and things others want to hit. "Beta, go to uncle" is something you should refrain from".
I am 30 and cannot make new friends.
Last week I wore a suit to this dinner and was asked to skip the security check and wished 3 times. All others without suits were being frisked. Well I don't
quite blame them cause most of the assholes who cause trouble when frisked wear suits.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Liberal
Imposing ones views, thoughts, religion etc on others is natural human tendency. It leads to profit. May not be the monetary kind but psychological, sexual etc.
Liberal for me is live and let die. I do not mean apathy be your biggest virtue but to each his/her own suits me fine. My family is very liberal by Indian standards. Dont get me wrong, they had their limits set but are very flexible compared to most humans I came across. I was visiting home sometime back and met my family and some of my wife's family. 2 conversations worth mentioning during one the umpteen gatherings.
1) I have always been "appreciated" by all for helping my wife around the house. I cannot cook to save my life but make wicked rotis when the maid does not turn up. I also make tea, buy vegetables, get the maids to work, clean the house occasionally etc. This "helping" aspect is somehow worth mentioning (by the family) every time we meet. It used to get my goat by my wife told me to let it go cause its something familys discuss. During my last visit when the helping thing came up a cousin of my wife interrupted with:
"Why are we mentioning this all over again? Isn't he SUPPOSED to do the house work? The very fact we mention it makes it special?
For all the liberal thinkers who LET their daughters work, marry the men of their choice and not give sermons on birth control, it is somehow impossible to imagine men doing house hold work. Hardwired into our DNA is the bhartiya sanskriti which does not allow us to stop thinking about this. I looked across the room to thank the cousin and she smiled back.
2) People were discussing marriage. Long lost friends, cousins, foes etc. Do you remember she married that businessman who went under, he married that women with the drinking problem etc. This was working better for me that the sedative I took until 1 statement woke me up.
"Hey, you remember that 2nd cousin who married that women, Mary? They are so happy together even though she is a Christian".
It came out so naturally that all the aunties and uncles around nodded in approval. The bias had surfaced and gone under in a matter of 5 seconds.
Liberal for me is live and let die. I do not mean apathy be your biggest virtue but to each his/her own suits me fine. My family is very liberal by Indian standards. Dont get me wrong, they had their limits set but are very flexible compared to most humans I came across. I was visiting home sometime back and met my family and some of my wife's family. 2 conversations worth mentioning during one the umpteen gatherings.
1) I have always been "appreciated" by all for helping my wife around the house. I cannot cook to save my life but make wicked rotis when the maid does not turn up. I also make tea, buy vegetables, get the maids to work, clean the house occasionally etc. This "helping" aspect is somehow worth mentioning (by the family) every time we meet. It used to get my goat by my wife told me to let it go cause its something familys discuss. During my last visit when the helping thing came up a cousin of my wife interrupted with:
"Why are we mentioning this all over again? Isn't he SUPPOSED to do the house work? The very fact we mention it makes it special?
For all the liberal thinkers who LET their daughters work, marry the men of their choice and not give sermons on birth control, it is somehow impossible to imagine men doing house hold work. Hardwired into our DNA is the bhartiya sanskriti which does not allow us to stop thinking about this. I looked across the room to thank the cousin and she smiled back.
2) People were discussing marriage. Long lost friends, cousins, foes etc. Do you remember she married that businessman who went under, he married that women with the drinking problem etc. This was working better for me that the sedative I took until 1 statement woke me up.
"Hey, you remember that 2nd cousin who married that women, Mary? They are so happy together even though she is a Christian".
It came out so naturally that all the aunties and uncles around nodded in approval. The bias had surfaced and gone under in a matter of 5 seconds.
Friday, July 17, 2009
WTFness for the day
Story 1:
There is a law where a "dalit" women who is raped will be compensated Rs 50,000. The idea is, we cant give you justice but here is money. The Beatles wrote "Can buy me love" for good reason. Maybe they should have included dignity, time, trauma in there too. There is WTFness at so many levels.
1. Only dalit women are alloted funds after rape. Rest of the women can take a hike.
2. Counselling & justice...nope. Money yes.
3. Why are my taxes being spent on a loosing cause?
I can imagine a dalit rape scam breaking out.
Couples have sex...women accuses him of rape....gets paid....pays and cops and get the man out of jail.....the cycle continues....they live happily ever after. Couples will start early in life. I wont be surprised if this move is touted as a conspiracy against out health minister who say have kids after 30.
"The rules prescribe that in the case of rape, the Dalit victim is entitled to compensation of Rs 50,000 with the proviso that 50% of that sum should be paid immediately after her medical examination and the balance at the conclusion of the trial. Mayawati is not to blame for these meager amounts; it is the failure of the Centre to update the rules".
Story 2: TOI-Hyderabad-17th July, 2009
The chief minister of Andhra in Dec 2006 had announced in the lobby of the state assembly that the state would bring about a legislation that would make HIV screening compulsory for couples to wed in the state. Come 2009 and the "announcement" was not implemented. Its the thought that counts you know. Meanwhile, since 2007, almost 3,000 women tested positive within six months to one year of getting married.
The reason for not implementing?
The proposal got shelved because of opposition from human rights groups who contended that it would cast aspersions on the character of the couple. Wow "cast aspersions". I wonder given a choice what the 3000 infected women would choose:
a. People being rude to your to be husbands
b. Being HIV positive.
Common sense in the government it seems is like the Lochness monster. Everyones heard of it...no one's seen it.
There is a law where a "dalit" women who is raped will be compensated Rs 50,000. The idea is, we cant give you justice but here is money. The Beatles wrote "Can buy me love" for good reason. Maybe they should have included dignity, time, trauma in there too. There is WTFness at so many levels.
1. Only dalit women are alloted funds after rape. Rest of the women can take a hike.
2. Counselling & justice...nope. Money yes.
3. Why are my taxes being spent on a loosing cause?
I can imagine a dalit rape scam breaking out.
Couples have sex...women accuses him of rape....gets paid....pays and cops and get the man out of jail.....the cycle continues....they live happily ever after. Couples will start early in life. I wont be surprised if this move is touted as a conspiracy against out health minister who say have kids after 30.
"The rules prescribe that in the case of rape, the Dalit victim is entitled to compensation of Rs 50,000 with the proviso that 50% of that sum should be paid immediately after her medical examination and the balance at the conclusion of the trial. Mayawati is not to blame for these meager amounts; it is the failure of the Centre to update the rules".
Story 2: TOI-Hyderabad-17th July, 2009
The chief minister of Andhra in Dec 2006 had announced in the lobby of the state assembly that the state would bring about a legislation that would make HIV screening compulsory for couples to wed in the state. Come 2009 and the "announcement" was not implemented. Its the thought that counts you know. Meanwhile, since 2007, almost 3,000 women tested positive within six months to one year of getting married.
The reason for not implementing?
The proposal got shelved because of opposition from human rights groups who contended that it would cast aspersions on the character of the couple. Wow "cast aspersions". I wonder given a choice what the 3000 infected women would choose:
a. People being rude to your to be husbands
b. Being HIV positive.
Common sense in the government it seems is like the Lochness monster. Everyones heard of it...no one's seen it.
Friday, July 3, 2009
377/69= decriminalized homosexuality
Homosexuality refers to sexual attraction or sexual behavior between people of the same sex, or to a sexual orientation...
India has finally stepped out of the closet (legally) by decrimilizing homosexuality. The Delhi High Court effectively decriminalized homosexuality. As of today, it is no longer illegal to be gay in India. Yipee...
Does this mean that gay and lesbians will be
1. treated equal
2. not frowned on
3. not busted by the cops
4. looked upon as abnormal and
5. seen as people against our "culture"?
That my friend is evolution, which takes thousands of years. For now let's the just stick to decriminalized it and take it from there. My generation NEVER spoke about sex at home. Homosexuality was an unknown concept and the first time I heard it I went...."but why? who can like men (except women) when women are so attractive". Anyway
The religious bandwagon has already opposed the move which they see as being against god's will. Am particularly amused at the stand the church has taken on abolishing Sec 377.....hahah. What a farce. I can imagine 2 priest chatting up:
Priest 1: WTF is with this government. Now anyone can be a homosexual and get away with it. This move takes away our special privileges.
Priest 2: Dont get your panties in a bunch. We can rape minors and get away with it. So we still rule. Maybe baba ramdev can make a medicine to cure this disease.
Terms for homosexuals/lesbians in popular culture:
Homo, gay, fag, queer, faggot, dykes, fairy, flame, putt from the rough, poff, corn holing, butt pirate, fudge packer, fruit, brokeback etc etc
India has finally stepped out of the closet (legally) by decrimilizing homosexuality. The Delhi High Court effectively decriminalized homosexuality. As of today, it is no longer illegal to be gay in India. Yipee...
Does this mean that gay and lesbians will be
1. treated equal
2. not frowned on
3. not busted by the cops
4. looked upon as abnormal and
5. seen as people against our "culture"?
That my friend is evolution, which takes thousands of years. For now let's the just stick to decriminalized it and take it from there. My generation NEVER spoke about sex at home. Homosexuality was an unknown concept and the first time I heard it I went...."but why? who can like men (except women) when women are so attractive". Anyway
The religious bandwagon has already opposed the move which they see as being against god's will. Am particularly amused at the stand the church has taken on abolishing Sec 377.....hahah. What a farce. I can imagine 2 priest chatting up:
Priest 1: WTF is with this government. Now anyone can be a homosexual and get away with it. This move takes away our special privileges.
Priest 2: Dont get your panties in a bunch. We can rape minors and get away with it. So we still rule. Maybe baba ramdev can make a medicine to cure this disease.
Terms for homosexuals/lesbians in popular culture:
Homo, gay, fag, queer, faggot, dykes, fairy, flame, putt from the rough, poff, corn holing, butt pirate, fudge packer, fruit, brokeback etc etc
Friday, June 26, 2009
MJ
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Loved what you did before the turn of the century.
Goodbye you freak. The craziness quotient of the world just went down. PEACE
Friday, June 5, 2009
The anal probe called iPhone
I know this post is real late, cliche and already written a thousand times...so fuck you too.
The "i" in the iPhone actually stands for IDIOT. Let me explain what an idiot means using a scale. This is so, all iPhone using idiots can understand who they are.
Intelligence Quotient (IQ) Scale:
70-100 - Americans
50-69 - George W Bush Jr.
30-49 - Moron
less than 30 - IDIOT
Here is a pictorial representation of what an IDIOT is.
courtesy: urban dictionary
I am sick of these i-phones using wankers sticking their fingers up each others asses cause the Sith Lord Steve Jobs told them to. Steve Jobs should actually be called Hand Jobs cause that's what he is handing out to the customer, along with TONS if bullshit. On a positive note...Steve Jobs is dying.....slowly.
All these i-phone using idiots are so high on the "feel good", "revolutionary" technology that they take the buzz outta weed and feel Bambi may visit them any second.
The iPhone in India is currently available in 2 varieties - 8 and 16 GB.
Nokia rules. It let's me do everything an iPhone does not and a lot more. Let's compare a few features of my Nokia E63 with a 16 GB i-phone.
I pay 1/3rd the price for a better product. I got the same camera as the iPhone does and making a call is so much simpler. I am no designer or expert in this field. But I will tell you what I am an expert at----identifying bullshit, and I could smell Apple's shit a light year away.
"My shit dont stink"
- Steve Jobs, Apple
WRONG
The "i" in the iPhone actually stands for IDIOT. Let me explain what an idiot means using a scale. This is so, all iPhone using idiots can understand who they are.
Intelligence Quotient (IQ) Scale:
70-100 - Americans
50-69 - George W Bush Jr.
30-49 - Moron
less than 30 - IDIOT
Here is a pictorial representation of what an IDIOT is.
courtesy: urban dictionary
I am sick of these i-phones using wankers sticking their fingers up each others asses cause the Sith Lord Steve Jobs told them to. Steve Jobs should actually be called Hand Jobs cause that's what he is handing out to the customer, along with TONS if bullshit. On a positive note...Steve Jobs is dying.....slowly.
All these i-phone using idiots are so high on the "feel good", "revolutionary" technology that they take the buzz outta weed and feel Bambi may visit them any second.
The iPhone in India is currently available in 2 varieties - 8 and 16 GB.
Nokia rules. It let's me do everything an iPhone does not and a lot more. Let's compare a few features of my Nokia E63 with a 16 GB i-phone.
I pay 1/3rd the price for a better product. I got the same camera as the iPhone does and making a call is so much simpler. I am no designer or expert in this field. But I will tell you what I am an expert at----identifying bullshit, and I could smell Apple's shit a light year away.
"My shit dont stink"
- Steve Jobs, Apple
WRONG
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Marathi Manoos Maahan sue Australia
In a move that stunned humans over an IQ of 83, the Marathi Manoos Maahan (3M) party has moved the courts over the happenings in Australia. "That ain't fair mate"- said the 3M spokesman with a hint of pun. He is the same bloke who gave this interview sometime back.
This time around this is what the 3M spokesman had to say.
Correspondent: What is your reaction to all this?
3M: We have take the Australian government to task and will take this case to the Supreme court if necessary. Who does this narcissist Kevin Rudd think he is? How can he treat us Indians like this? Priety Zinta showered her love on Brett Lee as if he was Bhaskar Lele and this is what we get in return? Australians are behaving like the convicts they really are. When asked if this would turn into a violent protest in Maharashtra where state property will be set on fire the answer was an affirmative. This is how we will show we care.
Correspondent: Is this move politically motivated?
3M: WTF are you taking about?
Correspondent: Well, taking the Aussie govt to court over attacks on Indians is an excellent move to project yourself as a party ready to fight elections at a national level.
3M: Bhayaji, I dont know what you are taking about? Which people? What national party?
We are taking the Aussies to court over copying our business model. We started the trend of throwing out "outsides" and these goras just picked up the same model and used it shamelessly. We have a patent on this model for crying out loud. If these cheater-cocks think they can get away with shit like this, they are in for something else......
This time around this is what the 3M spokesman had to say.
Correspondent: What is your reaction to all this?
3M: We have take the Australian government to task and will take this case to the Supreme court if necessary. Who does this narcissist Kevin Rudd think he is? How can he treat us Indians like this? Priety Zinta showered her love on Brett Lee as if he was Bhaskar Lele and this is what we get in return? Australians are behaving like the convicts they really are. When asked if this would turn into a violent protest in Maharashtra where state property will be set on fire the answer was an affirmative. This is how we will show we care.
Correspondent: Is this move politically motivated?
3M: WTF are you taking about?
Correspondent: Well, taking the Aussie govt to court over attacks on Indians is an excellent move to project yourself as a party ready to fight elections at a national level.
3M: Bhayaji, I dont know what you are taking about? Which people? What national party?
We are taking the Aussies to court over copying our business model. We started the trend of throwing out "outsides" and these goras just picked up the same model and used it shamelessly. We have a patent on this model for crying out loud. If these cheater-cocks think they can get away with shit like this, they are in for something else......
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