Thursday, October 30, 2008

Marathi Manooooooooooooooooooooooos

Chutiyagiri Times: Our correspondent interviewed the leader of the "Marathi Manoos Maahan" (3M) to discuss the ongoings in Maharashtra.

Correspondent: Thank you for taking time out from rioting and talking to us. What is happening in Mumbai? A bunch of your supporters (maharashtrians) burn buses in Mumbai which are bought by the maharshtrian tax-payer and meant FOR maharashtrians.

3M: First of all, I dont indulge in rioting, its the peoples voice. The marathi manoos needs to understand his needs. His need is to get all these "non-maharshtrians" out of our state. They have come here to destroy our culture and heritage.

C: What culture and heritage? Blasting "Kaanta laga" at Ganpati mandals or non maintenances of heritage sites like the Raigad fort and Shanivar wada.

3M: All governments have been looking at the past and hence we are at this crossroad.

C: Your activities in Maharashtra - by implication says all Maharshtrians outside Maharashtra should come back to the state.

3M: There are no Maharshtrians outside Maharashtra.

C: WTF! What about Satyajit Joshi a true blue Maharshtrian working in Hyderabad?

3M: Screw him! He aint my vote bank

C: How is destroying property in Mumbai helping Maharshtrians?

3M: This model has been picked up from Bengal where there is a week long bandh called to fight for the rights of the daily wage earner. The daily wage earner does starve for 7 days but its for his good in the long run. Maharashtra actually is the US where jobs outsourcing is a major issue. We are in most parts USA part 2. Makes me very proud....

C: USA huh! How about imitating the US efficiency, effectiveness, systems ....

3M: Hold on....we cannot work on all aspects at once, can we? We are starting with the outsourcing problem and will work on the rest later. You can call me Mr. Obama till then.

C: Huh? Ok Mr. Obama. How have you drawn the conclusion that Maharashtrians hate the presence of outsides...

3M: We have a finger on the pulse of the people (hence we finger them..sic). I have spoken to more than 13 Maharashtrians, 13 being my lucky number and all. They share my sentiment. Anyway leadership and political agendas have never reflected public sentiment so why change.

C: How about throwing Gujaratis and Parsis who dominate the landscape out of Mumbai ?

3M: ha ha. Thank god you are not in politics. You dont mess with you campaign/election contributors you tart. You pick on people especially migrant workers from other states, too poor to bribe the police and too disenfranchised to have a political voice.

C: I heard your driver, mali and maid servants are all non- maharashtrians?

3M: I am a man who is in the thick of things. I need to cup a feel of the real situation hence I have employed these non- maharashtrians.

C: So you plan to fire them soon?

3M: Hell no! They are twice as efficient at half the price.

C: How do you decide who is a Maharashtrians? 3rd generation settlers, domicile holders, Marathi speakers?

3M: A person who can vote me into power is a Maharshtrian.

C: Thank you for your time. I, Ramesh Sharma take your leave.

3M: Sharma huh! Boys...................

7 comments:

ripul said...

why does cg times only publish half interviews? What happened to the part where Satyajit Joshi was beaten up outside Maharashtra black and blue... and his interview after that!

How i hate cg times...

maduraiveeran said...

Hilarious!

Satyajit said...

Ripul:
Slight correction. I was beaten up in Mumbai after getting down from Hyderbad express, mistaken for an outsider. Ironically it were North Indians who beat me up. You see lazy Maharashtrians have outsourced beatings to North Indians.

Madhuraiveeran:
Thanks.

meghana said...

this is great satyajit. ha ha so how badly did you get beaten up mr sharma?

Sonali said...

Satyajit - I don't think this is hilarious at all - uncannily true maybe but definitely not hilarious. By definition - I'm not fit to live in any state in India - I'm half Marathi half Kannada by birth, married to a Tamilian and living outside India, and don't possess the cunning of half a North Indian. That's a scary thought!! And you've reported a global phenomenon - its happening everywhere - you don't want them but you need them!! So burning 45 buses in Mumbai is a small price to pay for a lifelong comfort of someone else doing your dirty jobs!!

askaks said...

Well written satter...

Opinionated said...

Fantastic!