Thursday, May 8, 2008

Social interactions

Like most of you I too hate meaningless and politically correct social interactions. Unfortunately I have been oriented to act nice. My theory is simple, "I am 28 yrs old and cannot make new friends". This attitude has led my better half to conclude that I would be one of those crazy old men who lectures children playing cricket on the world economy, chases imaginary cats and wont swat a fly cause it may cause an earthquake (butterfly effect). But all said and done politically correct interactions are to our society what Anakin Skywalker was to the universe....its supposed to bring balance. When this fragile balance is broken it creates havoc just like what happened in "revenge of the sith"
Social norms have a set of standard question you ask another human:
1) How are you doing?
2) What do you do? Ask a few more details so as to appear interested.
3) How do you like the event/weather/city...depending on the situation.
There are a few more but you get the idea. Also don't forget to nod like a bobble head.

Scenario: Wife's office party. Very formal. Families invited.
I was told to look presentable and act normal. Was also informed that everyone was dying to meet me (yea right). I reach the party and get into the groove of shaking hands, laughing at lame jokes etc. Something fried my brain cells 40 mins into the party. Maybe it was hunger or the vodka but cant quite validate. There was a group of 6-7 people standing with my wife when I was summoned for an introduction. This lady was acting more interested than the rest so made eye contact with her...
Lady: How are you?
Me: Am doing fine, how about you?
Lady: Good. So you liking Hyderabad? (we shifted here 6 months back)
Me: Its ok....the city grows on you (jeez, i am good)
Lady: So what do you do?
Now this is where the balance was shattered...
Me: Nothing. I am unemployed.....I live off my wife.
Dayam....panic, sweat all around. The lady turns white and does not know where to look or what to say...her mind is darting around cause she cant pose the next question. The rest of the gang were like people stuck in an elevator just when someone has farted. You want to jump out but end up hitting your head on the walls.
I put the lady out of her misery but laughing and telling her i was joking. People could breathe easy now and my fun was over.

I suggest all of you try it once in a while but make sure to bring the balance back else we would be wiped off as a race.

5 comments:

Amar said...

Very good - always have similar experience, one that I have used randomly to the Q what do you do - sit and ponder about the nothingness of being - however, realized that most people inlcuding myself sometimes don't understand what I just wrote, but then that is besides the point.

As you can see, I am bored of people cribbing on e-mail to me while i wait at the Singapore airport for my flight to HK.

Satyajit said...

ha ha...."sit and ponder about the nothingness of being"...my boss suggested that i say am a carpenter or plumber or an artist...if its a lady I can always ask if i could paint her in the nude....

emails- white noise. u need not hear them...

Archana Narayan said...

Loved the description of people's reaction to what you had to say.... here I was thinking you were successful in behaving 'normal'.... :) You couldn't resist huh? But seriously it is painful making conversation with new people. I prefer to pretend I am a snob than make PC. I have just shifted and my husband insists I should go introduce myself and say 'I have just moved in next door'. I just cant bring myself to do that... really... who cares? You shouldnt have to try to hard to 'make' friends.... it should just happen...

Nilesh said...

I don't blame you. You are not meant to be nice. ;-) But really, this advice - "try it once", won't fly with most. They usually take it too seriously and you end up with one of those monologues. Which, btw, is exactly the reason why you can't get yourself to go out make new friends! You want to avoid getting your ears chewed.....

ripul said...

I am sure if you say "I paint nudes" as introduction -- some of the females would definitely call you when your wife is not around... for a sketch. I believe that all women have a desire to be painted by a real artist in nude... the titanic way!