My boss sent a mail yesterday that we would be having a contest in office to see who gets maximum hits on his/her blog in a given time period. We are a very small company (17 people) and with a promise of a free meal for the winner people started pimping their blogs with determination rivaled only by "Scrat" from Ice-Age (who is out to preserve his acorn).
As posting porn isn't an option i needed to find another way to get that free meal. So what i am going to do is quickly profile our people.....who are competitors and contenders.
1) Ripul Kumar...a.k.a "Rips" - high diabetic with a sweet tooth. Irony seems to be his middle name...could have been a national TT champ but for his asthma. Started the blog competition fire and is regularly pouring ghee into it.
2) Ashim...a.k.a "Chintu"- the only human who was born on the top level of Maslow's pyramid. Silent as a ninja and patient as a dead goat. Don't rule him out from winning just yet.
3) Meghna...a.k.a "Sweater Girl" - some find her weird but there is a fine line between weird and genius. Has a huge network and can sweep the competition away anytime she chooses.
4) Sneha...a.k.a "Elastagirl"- the women who can move mountains and IAS officers with 1 phone call. She has taken pity on me and is promoting my blog. I have awarded the "sweetest one" award to her already.
5) Geeta...a.k.a "Kick-ur-arse"- the driving force of the organization. she being one of the bosses does not indulge in petty blog promotion. she will be declaring the results so in all probabilities she will win... :-)
6) Sushant...a.k.a "Baba" - for his first month here all of us thought he was a mute and was employed as part of the corporate social initiatives movement. He has words of wisdom that has women swaying and men staggering. His is miles above the competition...mentally
7) Mousumi...a.k.a "bong girl"- the pet name has 2 reasons. 1) she is a bengali 2) bong also means the instrument to smoke weed in....and she worships shivji.
Driven, determined and destined for great things....she is the competitions underdog.
More profiles coming soon
Showing posts with label Most popular. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Most popular. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Social interactions
Like most of you I too hate meaningless and politically correct social interactions. Unfortunately I have been oriented to act nice. My theory is simple, "I am 28 yrs old and cannot make new friends". This attitude has led my better half to conclude that I would be one of those crazy old men who lectures children playing cricket on the world economy, chases imaginary cats and wont swat a fly cause it may cause an earthquake (butterfly effect). But all said and done politically correct interactions are to our society what Anakin Skywalker was to the universe....its supposed to bring balance. When this fragile balance is broken it creates havoc just like what happened in "revenge of the sith"
Social norms have a set of standard question you ask another human:
1) How are you doing?
2) What do you do? Ask a few more details so as to appear interested.
3) How do you like the event/weather/city...depending on the situation.
There are a few more but you get the idea. Also don't forget to nod like a bobble head.
Scenario: Wife's office party. Very formal. Families invited.
I was told to look presentable and act normal. Was also informed that everyone was dying to meet me (yea right). I reach the party and get into the groove of shaking hands, laughing at lame jokes etc. Something fried my brain cells 40 mins into the party. Maybe it was hunger or the vodka but cant quite validate. There was a group of 6-7 people standing with my wife when I was summoned for an introduction. This lady was acting more interested than the rest so made eye contact with her...
Lady: How are you?
Me: Am doing fine, how about you?
Lady: Good. So you liking Hyderabad? (we shifted here 6 months back)
Me: Its ok....the city grows on you (jeez, i am good)
Lady: So what do you do?
Now this is where the balance was shattered...
Me: Nothing. I am unemployed.....I live off my wife.
Dayam....panic, sweat all around. The lady turns white and does not know where to look or what to say...her mind is darting around cause she cant pose the next question. The rest of the gang were like people stuck in an elevator just when someone has farted. You want to jump out but end up hitting your head on the walls.
I put the lady out of her misery but laughing and telling her i was joking. People could breathe easy now and my fun was over.
I suggest all of you try it once in a while but make sure to bring the balance back else we would be wiped off as a race.
Social norms have a set of standard question you ask another human:
1) How are you doing?
2) What do you do? Ask a few more details so as to appear interested.
3) How do you like the event/weather/city...depending on the situation.
There are a few more but you get the idea. Also don't forget to nod like a bobble head.
Scenario: Wife's office party. Very formal. Families invited.
I was told to look presentable and act normal. Was also informed that everyone was dying to meet me (yea right). I reach the party and get into the groove of shaking hands, laughing at lame jokes etc. Something fried my brain cells 40 mins into the party. Maybe it was hunger or the vodka but cant quite validate. There was a group of 6-7 people standing with my wife when I was summoned for an introduction. This lady was acting more interested than the rest so made eye contact with her...
Lady: How are you?
Me: Am doing fine, how about you?
Lady: Good. So you liking Hyderabad? (we shifted here 6 months back)
Me: Its ok....the city grows on you (jeez, i am good)
Lady: So what do you do?
Now this is where the balance was shattered...
Me: Nothing. I am unemployed.....I live off my wife.
Dayam....panic, sweat all around. The lady turns white and does not know where to look or what to say...her mind is darting around cause she cant pose the next question. The rest of the gang were like people stuck in an elevator just when someone has farted. You want to jump out but end up hitting your head on the walls.
I put the lady out of her misery but laughing and telling her i was joking. People could breathe easy now and my fun was over.
I suggest all of you try it once in a while but make sure to bring the balance back else we would be wiped off as a race.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
PETA- Animals have feelings too....
Warning: Long post
Now don't get me wrong....I love animals and admire the work PETA does. But there is a fine line between realism and insanity. No one has been able to define it but this is my take on it.
Every organization after tasting success and becoming big starts its tumble towards absurd alley. All of them are in danger of loosing focus of what they do....this danger is more than what Mithunda's sister faces in every movie.
The premise of this post is:
"If you do not ask/inform/consult me before fighting for my rights, its a violation of my rights IN the first place".
This is one of the primary reasons I do not hold NGO's or Social workers in high regard, mostly because most of them are frauds but also because the assume a bit too much.
Now the interesting point about PETA India is that they will not tolerate ill treatment of animals on Indian soil but anywhere else is ok. If you see the Vodafone advt, its not Bandra in the background. I love this stand...."My love for animals is geography specific". I do understand the legal constraints but not raising a stink due to geography is hilarious. Its like me saying Gwen Stefani did not bear my child cause we are on different continents...yea right.
If PETA were so bothered about the chicken in the SBI commercial or the pug in the Vodafone commercial should not they approach the chicken and the pug and ask them what they think about the whole issue? I feel to really uphold the right of animals in a "democratic" country like our we should hold free and fair election. Let all animals choose their representatives and decide when/where/how and how much to act. Now that's ethical treatment.
Also people who name their dog "socks", "armour", "yo-yo" etc should be sued. Can you imagine these 3 dogs hanging out with dogs called "raja", "khoobsurat" who's names meet the standards of the Bhartiya sanskriti? The social discrimination the 3 will feel with devastate their self confidence.
People with pets: a small request. Do not make your dog do tricks for guests and strangers. It just demeans them and it ain't no great shakes either....I just shook your hand at the door and you did not clap for me.....
Now don't get me wrong....I love animals and admire the work PETA does. But there is a fine line between realism and insanity. No one has been able to define it but this is my take on it.
Every organization after tasting success and becoming big starts its tumble towards absurd alley. All of them are in danger of loosing focus of what they do....this danger is more than what Mithunda's sister faces in every movie.
The premise of this post is:
"If you do not ask/inform/consult me before fighting for my rights, its a violation of my rights IN the first place".
This is one of the primary reasons I do not hold NGO's or Social workers in high regard, mostly because most of them are frauds but also because the assume a bit too much.
Now the interesting point about PETA India is that they will not tolerate ill treatment of animals on Indian soil but anywhere else is ok. If you see the Vodafone advt, its not Bandra in the background. I love this stand...."My love for animals is geography specific". I do understand the legal constraints but not raising a stink due to geography is hilarious. Its like me saying Gwen Stefani did not bear my child cause we are on different continents...yea right.
If PETA were so bothered about the chicken in the SBI commercial or the pug in the Vodafone commercial should not they approach the chicken and the pug and ask them what they think about the whole issue? I feel to really uphold the right of animals in a "democratic" country like our we should hold free and fair election. Let all animals choose their representatives and decide when/where/how and how much to act. Now that's ethical treatment.
Also people who name their dog "socks", "armour", "yo-yo" etc should be sued. Can you imagine these 3 dogs hanging out with dogs called "raja", "khoobsurat" who's names meet the standards of the Bhartiya sanskriti? The social discrimination the 3 will feel with devastate their self confidence.
People with pets: a small request. Do not make your dog do tricks for guests and strangers. It just demeans them and it ain't no great shakes either....I just shook your hand at the door and you did not clap for me.....
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
The "Earth Hour"
The "Earth Hour". Why didn't the Indian Government think of that first. I always say the White man markets his product the best. Relation between the Earth Hour and Marketing you may ask....let me explain.
Story 1- Imagine a bunch of rich white folks sitting at their winter get-away mansion sipping fine wine and indulging in their favorite topic -"The Earth" (problems in third world countries & Islam bashing also right up there). All this intellectual masturbation led to the creation of the "Earth Hour" where all people "concerned" would not use electricity for 1 hour on a designated day. Yippee, we care and will make sure you know about it. Bingo....."Earth Hour" is created and shoved down our throats like green veges when I was 8.
Story 2: Pune, Maharashtra, India- Long before the "The Earth" hour was conceived.
Mom: When you know there is no electricity everyday for 3 yrs now between 12pm-4pm why did you call your friends over to watch a movie?
Me: I was hoping thing would be different today....
Mom: (collapses on the sofa and turns to my father)- Think we did not beat him enough. He wont give up his fantasies...
Now, we HAD been observing the "The Earth" hour(s) long before anyone thought about it. Even AFTER it was thought of and marketed we made no effort to take credit for it. As an Indian citizen I feel sad....not about the power cuts but about our governments lack of marketing this country's love for Mother Earth.
Story 1- Imagine a bunch of rich white folks sitting at their winter get-away mansion sipping fine wine and indulging in their favorite topic -"The Earth" (problems in third world countries & Islam bashing also right up there). All this intellectual masturbation led to the creation of the "Earth Hour" where all people "concerned" would not use electricity for 1 hour on a designated day. Yippee, we care and will make sure you know about it. Bingo....."Earth Hour" is created and shoved down our throats like green veges when I was 8.
Story 2: Pune, Maharashtra, India- Long before the "The Earth" hour was conceived.
Mom: When you know there is no electricity everyday for 3 yrs now between 12pm-4pm why did you call your friends over to watch a movie?
Me: I was hoping thing would be different today....
Mom: (collapses on the sofa and turns to my father)- Think we did not beat him enough. He wont give up his fantasies...
Now, we HAD been observing the "The Earth" hour(s) long before anyone thought about it. Even AFTER it was thought of and marketed we made no effort to take credit for it. As an Indian citizen I feel sad....not about the power cuts but about our governments lack of marketing this country's love for Mother Earth.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Aamir Khan got it all wrong in TZP
Shilpa and I saw Taare Zameen Pe sometime back. All i
could say throughout the movie was "that kid is me, that
kid is me".The 24th time i said that Shilpa turned
around and said "I don't doubt it". Coming back to where
AK got it all wrong...The kid in question did not learn
cause he was not beaten enough at school. Let me explain...
When I was in school we used to get beaten mercilessly by our
teachers for good reason but also sometimes without reason.
When i look back at that time i understand that
they were only trying to teach us Physics, Art, Management
and about Life in general.Here are the basic teachings
imparted.
1)Action: Shoving our hands in drawers and slamming them shut.
Category: Physics / Art
Learning: Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
The action being the drawer being slammed and the reaction
being we withdrawing our hands and gyrating in pain. Seen
the colour of your hand turn from brown to red/black/blue
in under 4 secs? btw red and blue are primary colours
(bet u did not know that)
2)Action: Slap across the face/back
Category: Physics /Art (refer to point 1)
Learning: Inertia - Inertia is a property of matter by
which it remains at rest or in uniform motion in the same
straight line unless acted upon by some external force
(circular in this case).The hand been the mass in motion and
the face being the external force.
3)Action:Beatings with hockey sticks and cricket bats.
Category: Management
Learning: The Hockey and Cricket seasons lasted 3 months each.
This form of beating taught us about the principals of Optimum
utilizations of resources and multi tasking
4)Action: Students slapping each other
Category: Management
Learning: the 2 convicts in question were made to stand face
to face to slap each other. Who so ever slapped the other the
hardest would be let go. This taught us to make false promises
to the other convict, slap him real hard and get away.The poor
bastard had to bear the brunt of the teach cause he lost.
Back stabbing and cheating are critical traits of any leader.
I could go on about the class beatings, the bribes to teachers to
pass us etc but think you get the point. Am certain those from
my batch who are doctors had their heads split up from a
duster strike in school.
Ishan would have learnt quicker if only....
could say throughout the movie was "that kid is me, that
kid is me".The 24th time i said that Shilpa turned
around and said "I don't doubt it". Coming back to where
AK got it all wrong...The kid in question did not learn
cause he was not beaten enough at school. Let me explain...
When I was in school we used to get beaten mercilessly by our
teachers for good reason but also sometimes without reason.
When i look back at that time i understand that
they were only trying to teach us Physics, Art, Management
and about Life in general.Here are the basic teachings
imparted.
1)Action: Shoving our hands in drawers and slamming them shut.
Category: Physics / Art
Learning: Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
The action being the drawer being slammed and the reaction
being we withdrawing our hands and gyrating in pain. Seen
the colour of your hand turn from brown to red/black/blue
in under 4 secs? btw red and blue are primary colours
(bet u did not know that)
2)Action: Slap across the face/back
Category: Physics /Art (refer to point 1)
Learning: Inertia - Inertia is a property of matter by
which it remains at rest or in uniform motion in the same
straight line unless acted upon by some external force
(circular in this case).The hand been the mass in motion and
the face being the external force.
3)Action:Beatings with hockey sticks and cricket bats.
Category: Management
Learning: The Hockey and Cricket seasons lasted 3 months each.
This form of beating taught us about the principals of Optimum
utilizations of resources and multi tasking
4)Action: Students slapping each other
Category: Management
Learning: the 2 convicts in question were made to stand face
to face to slap each other. Who so ever slapped the other the
hardest would be let go. This taught us to make false promises
to the other convict, slap him real hard and get away.The poor
bastard had to bear the brunt of the teach cause he lost.
Back stabbing and cheating are critical traits of any leader.
I could go on about the class beatings, the bribes to teachers to
pass us etc but think you get the point. Am certain those from
my batch who are doctors had their heads split up from a
duster strike in school.
Ishan would have learnt quicker if only....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
