Drink to my bones

WARNING: LONG POST

The fact that a lot people use Facebook, Twitter, Blogs etc to confess their love for their nephews, nieces & children is finally getting to me. Facebook has the bad habit of displaying on my page what people throw up on theirs. "Pappu ate his first bogger today" or "My little one makes cute faces while taking a shit while my elder one makes castles of poo". Since I do not have a child and I would rather play catch with my nephew than upload his photographs, I have decided to tell you the story about my left leg which is way more important than all your children put together.

Summary: Broke 2 bones above my left ankle while playing football. My parents and wife were not in town. I wasn't carrying my wallet or cellphone. It was a complex fracture. Had surgery. Have 2 steel plates and 14 screws in my leg now. Your 3 year old niece can beat me at the 100 mts.

The point is, extended periods of inactivity slows time down. One can do nothing else except think. There are a lot of things that happened during this time and here goes the summary.

1) The incident: We are a bunch of unfit, slaves to the corporate world dudes who play football 1-2 times a week. When you play 5 a side games once or twice a week the process is as follows when it comes to on-field injuries :
a) Evaluate
b) Play doctor
c) Argue

a) Evaluate: The first thing that you do is evaluate the injury. Not out of concern but to decide if we can roll this dude outta the ground and continue with the game. "Kya hua" and " Can you continue playing" are the questions I was asked. Also keep in mind if 1 guy drops out, you are playing 4 on 5 which isn't easy.

b) Play doctor: Any footballer worth has salt will lie about most of the injuries he has had and claim to have extensive knowledge about sports injuries. He will also diagnose & give a solution to your injury. This is how the conversation went:
Me: Fk dude. Think I broke my leg
The Dr: No dude, its a dislocated ankle
Me: I know it man. I heard the snap
The Dr: Quit being a bitch. I have dislocated my ankle before. I can put it back in place.
Me (in total disbelief): Do you see the broken bone jutting outta my socks 4 inches above my ankle? Broken bones asshole
The Dr: I disagree. You are in pain and cannot think straight
My advise is to stay the hell away from the on-field doctor.

c) Argue: After the diagnosis is labeled serious the arguments started. Mode of transport, how should I be picked up and what doctor/hospital to go to. Everyone claimed to have the best knowledge about everything.

All in all the 3 steps turn out to be a dick measurement exercise amongst those present.

2) The Hospital: After much argument and yelling I was bundled into an auto and we went to Joshi Hospital. This place is the stuff nightmares are made of. 7 footballers, my broken foot and I enter the hospital. I was put on a stretcher while a friend carefully removed my football shoes. The ward boys from hell came to rip my socks off when I politely requested them to cut the socks rather than rip it off and permanently damage my leg. They concurred. Then right outta the movies I was stretched off to the X-ray room hitting every corner and door on the way there. The ward-boy promptly taps me on my injured leg to tell me to move onto the X-ray table.

The attendant was a cock-eyed, salivating slob who had been pushed around all his life. All 8 of us took an instant disliking for his. He kept telling me that surgery was required and that I should get admitted. We did not trust him and I decided to call someone else I knew. The clincher is....The slob refused to give me a painkiller till I agreed to get admitted in the hospital. I did not. He also made me write and sign a note saying I left the hospital of my own free will. He also yelled at me for the bad handwriting---I wrote the note while on a stretcher, facing up, with no support for the paper and 2 broken bones. Some people

Overall it was an insane experience. What happened after I shifted into Kelkar hospital is like a dream. The friendly professional doctors, the morphine like painkiller shots and the 2 people holding me down while the doctor put on a temporary cast makes me laugh now. Am on the way to recovery...

Note:
- Broken bones do not hurt as much as I thought
- My ass still hurts from the 10 injections I had to take
- I have not put on any weight
- Thank the guys who helped me out
- Thanks to a friend....she know who she is